WAW having affair, still living in separate rooms

[AnotherStander]

I realize you've already had this convo, but this is for future reference since I'm sure it won't be the last:

I plan on talking with her tonight. I'm going to be calm,listen to her and tell her what I think.

See above edit. Listen to her, validate her feelings. Don't reason/ beg/ plead/ negotiate/ agree/ disagree/ tell her what you think or feel. It's all about her.

I am also going to bring up the OM and tell her that it is not right for him to be around my s.

Telling her = control and manipulation. For 99% of the people here that qualifies as "more of the same" behavior and hurts the sitch. If she's acting like a rebellious teen like most WAS's do, then when you "tell her" anything, what do you think her reaction will be? Why to do the opposite of course! If you don't like OM around your S then you can ASK her if she's willing to keep them apart, but really you have no means of enforcing it even if she agrees. I mean what are you going to do, threaten D? She wants that anyway. Then what after D? She'll have OM around S as much as she wants anyway.