Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

This has been the longest week of my LIFE.

I haven't talked to Boo since Monday when he invited to his Fam's Thanksgiving.

I am still undecided about this. I am leaning more towards not going. I spoke with his Grandmother yesterday, trying to convince me to come, not as Boo's W, but as an individual and to be with my family. I told her, that if Boo and I are not H&W, I will not be attending family functions anymore. It's just what it is.

I think I will be attending my BFF's family's dinner as planned. I feel good about my decisions. I will be with people who care about me, and it will be a little break from acting AS IF. I will be acting happy because I will be. I will not have to fake it.

Maybe this will give Boo a taste of what life will be like all alone, which is what he wants. This is not at all my reason for not going thought. I am not trying to punish Boo. But I am going to spend MY holiday the way I want to.

I also will be starting up my waitressing job again, hoping to pick up some shifts in Dec and hoping to work Xmas. This will take up my time, and I will not have to worry who or where I will spend the holiday.

I will be spending it making money!

I will not be purchasing Xmas gifts for anyone. I know I have said this a million times, but I feel like I've had another epiphany! I have to do for me. I am scared for my future.

I know I cannot plan much further than a few days ahead, I do think about where I will live, how will I pay my bills. And not talking to Boo will be the worst.

I have gotten a few nonsense texts. Hey, how ya doing, things like that. Nothing of substance. So yes, he just agreed to go as "H&W" to thanksgiving to pacify me.

He told me he would text during the day and call at night while he was away, none of which has happened.

He is not in my life. That is how I will live it, but with the door open. He knows how I feel, he knows I want to work on us.

I'm doing me now.

I have an orchid society meeting on the 25th. I have got my weekend jam packed with chores I have been neglecting. I know that Boo will look at my cleaning up the yard as trying to please him, but I live here too. This is my house too.

I am just ready for this day to be OVER!!