Hanging on to the roller coaster

[bustingout]

I can relate to the running away from uncomfortable feelings. That is my H to a tee. In hindsight, he did it a lot on a much smaller scale and from much less serious issues. This is magnified 1000 percent now. And MLC definetly equals 'slow'

[CallaghanClown]

What does "showing remorse" look like?

And if it is true remorse, it's his to handle. Remorse is easy, it's changing the behaviors which lead to the remorse that's difficult. That's what you're looking for, isn't it?

You have the power here, CC. Do you want a M with him as he is now?

He verbally expresses remorse and no, I don't want a relationship with the man he is now. I want the man he was, the man he can be, the man I chose as the father of my kids.

This man is some way off. Back in the oven with him!

[CallaghanClown]

I think it's fair to say remorse encourages a healthy functional human being to make changes in their behavior.

I'm not sure the same holds true for the MLC-er.

History repeats itself. For the last two years especially--In my H, at least, I see him running like a bat outta He!! from any uncomfortable feelings. He may be able to face a small amount at a time. But, I wouldn't expect him to have genuine feelings of remorse and make big, sweeping changes in a single event. I think just about everything is SLOW with the MLC-er. Little bit at a time.

Just my .o2.

Heather

I agree.

This is all words....until actions follow, they can not be trusted. I just wondered if there was a history lesson to learn from remorse. Whether it was a MLC script that I'd missed.....

I must remain consistent to changes. If he's ready to move forward in his MLC journey, no sudden movement from me will help. He needs to see me as the ever standing lighthouse that hasn't changed, regardless of his actions.

I'm happy being the me I am now. I'll just keep working on her and try to ignore his every move.....it really is hard though isn't it. It's like watching your toddler crawl towards an open fire.....guess they need to feel the heat to understand the danger!

[labug]

This is your time to step out of that role of Protector, Mother, Salve-Applier, whatever.

You don't know what his journey is but you do know it's his to take. Take your focus off him and keep it squarely on you. Create the life you want to live be the woman you want to be.

You have the power.

[labug]

Are you still going to AlAnon?

[CallaghanClown]

I am and I'm really enjoying it. I turn up early and help the organiser up the stairs with the boxes. Set the chairs and clean the cups. Helping others in this way is a 180 for me. I'd have shied away from this before, feeling too uncomfortable to put myself right out there. We had an AA member that needed a meeting and I spoke directly to him. Another 180 for me. I'd have felt far too self conscious to do that before.

It's made me appreciate that revenge is a poison not worth drinking. Having the power to get the married OW into trouble or destroy one of my H's business deals won't make me feel any better. Let karma take its course!

[CallaghanClown]

I had an epiphany today while having 1-2-1 with D4. I realised I just wanted to start again. I didn't want H anymore. He's not a nice person. I wanted to give myself a break and work on me and then move on and yes, I did want to find love again.

Then it hit me between the eyes. That's what this is all about anyway. I don't care what he does anymore. I just don't want to know. I am going to start again. I am going to fall in love again. But the odd thing is that it could be with H.....but it doesn't have to be!

[job]

CC,
You are detaching a bit more each day. I'm glad to see that you want to start again. You just never know what the future holds...continue moving forward and enjoy each day as it comes.

It's not odd at all...that you may fall in love w/your h again...but that's a ways down the road. Keep your focus on you and your little one for now.

[BrightFuture]

Wow, you are progressing fast with your detachment. Good for you! I wish I were there already. I’m just starting to have similar feelings, and it is after 17 months after BD and the speech.

[CallaghanClown]

As with all roller coaster, from a great height I have fallen!

Nothing major just having a bad day. Feel angry but at nothing in particular. Not well, kids not well, I'm tired, they're grumpy. All in all the positive person I was yesterday is still in bed and the misery guts has replaced her.