I understand what you mean. The day to day events are extremely volitile. I need to take myself out of the fold and try to see the bigger picture in all this.
Last night my D and I made a cake to pass the time, and try to spend some quality time together. After we were finished she asked if Mom was coming to her birthday. (she thought the cake made it her birthday). I almost cried. This poor child does not deserve this. She did nothing wrong, and yet she has to deal with not seeing her mom, most of the time.
Later in the night she asked if she could sleep in my bed because she wanted to take mommy's place. because mommy will be gone for a year. I couldn't believe it. ( she doesn't understand time that well, and often refers to yesterday as last year) but it just hit so hard.
W sent me a text at 2AM and said she was ok and she was staying at her GF's. I checked our bank account to make sure she didn't overdraft buying booze at the bar, and saw that she bought drinks at a bar about 2 hours from where she said she was.(she stayed with OM) Nothing like a bold faced lie to make you feel better in the morning.
It really makes me wonder why I am trying to save this M in the first place. My initial hopes of being a family are in a constant decline.
I need to stand tall, for my daughter. Any less of an effort will haunt me forever.
