I'm not sure you know what detachment is, because this...
Quote:
Having a private pity party right now. It is so hard to appear happy or content.
... is NOT detached. If your H gets a text from OW and it sends you into a tailspin, it is a good indication that you are not detached. When you become detached that stuff will not phase you. That's the whole point of detachment- that you separate from your H's roller coaster to the point that your emotions are unaffected by anything he says or does. You leave him to his mess and you get on with living your life and making yourself the best possible person you can be.
As a sidenote I frequently see people say "I was detached yesterday and then my spouse did XYZ and now I'm really upset". They never were detached, not yesterday, not today. If you're having an OK day just because you haven't talked to your spouse or because they haven't pushed your buttons, well that's not detached, that's just riding the flat portion of track on their roller coaster before the next rise or fall. When you can go MONTHS without being upset by your spouse even though they're still cycling, THEN you are detached. It's not a one or two day thing.
I'll give you some examples of my detachment- once I took the kids to a flea market thing and it turned out W was there too, we went to meet her and there was OM. I said hello to him and shook his hand and we went about our shopping. I wasn't mad, upset, freaking out, etc. Another time I went by W's house to pick up one of the kids and OM's great dane was there. No biggie, I picked up S and left. Early on these things would have triggered a horrible reaction, I probably would have gone home and cried. But once I reached detachment that kind of stuff had (and has) zero impact on me. I think it's LABug that has says your reaction should be nothing more than "isn't that interesting" and then you dismiss it.
