My therapist says I am focusing on the wrong thing. That I can't separate the A from his alcoholism. To me the alcoholism is a disease (I finally admit this) that he cannot control and I cannot help him with until he is ready. His drinking is not a reflection of me.

The A on the other hand was a choice. He chose to give himself to someone else rather than be with me and work on rebuilding our family. Every day he continues to make that choice. The sick thing is that I keep telling myself that she is a bad person because anyone who would break up a family has to be. Why would H want to be with a bad person. Well H is willing to break up our family and I still want to be with him. What does that say about me.

Anyway I am still working on the things that I contributed to M problems. The biggest is my need to control everything. To know what is going to happen 10 steps ahead and to focus on the what ifs.

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15