(1)I have a HUGE need to have others like and approve of me. (2)I will do anything to explain my “side” of things when H disagrees with me or doesn’t understand me (which leads to me texting him when I should have stopped)
You and me both honey!! Great insights. Now is your husband passive aggressive, because I have noticed that people with our tendencies attract these people. We are a honey pot to them, because they can manipualte us so easily.
Now passive aggression comes (according to some theories) from unexpressed and stuffed down anger. My xh defnitely became incresingly passive aggressive in the last few years before bomb drop, but the tendencies were always there, and the way I was, I played into his hands, without fully realising what was going on - a bit like the frog in warm water.
I still have to watch myself, and say 'no, I do not need to explain myself to you'.
Keep up the good work
WOW! YES!!! Yes, Bea!!! My H is VERY passive aggressive. I like your analogy about the frog...because it took me a long, long time to figure out what was going on. I'd begun to realize he was passive aggressive before BD...but that makes SO much sense, now that you say that.
And, my H has even said recently that he has always been one to hold everything in. Everyone around us always commented on how patient and calm he was....but the anger was hidden deep in him.
I still don't really know how to deal with him when he's behaving that way...but yes, I've done lots of reading and my H is definitely passive aggressive.
Any suggestions on how to deal with someone like that?
