H has been home for the past 3 days. Things here were awkward, but basically okay. He was offering to do little things around the house for me and cook some my favorite dishes, decorate for Christmas, etc. It looked promising.
He has been going to the office and is not comfortable there and tonight he had dinner with his folks.
When he got home he was frustrated with his Dad who gave him a hard time about his brother who works with us. He told me a little about it and I validated.
Then he started in on BIL and what he wanted him to do at the office. For 3 evenings, I have listened to him talk about the responsibilities he wants BIL to do - taking away from my authority at the office. I had finally heard enough and objected to the infringement on my place as partner.
That led to a huge argument. H said he couldn't please anyone and went to his room (guestroom). I followed to try to smooth things over and we ended up fighting more. I left the room, but went back a few minutes later to stand my ground and told him I was not going to let him make me out to be the bad guy. That is a total 180 for me - usually I retreat into my shell and just shut up. I went back to his room a few minutes later to apologize for my outburst.
He had his bags packed and was dressed to leave. He said he wasn't coming into the office tomorrow. I told him that I understood and that also understood if he wanted to go to a hotel and I would understand if he booked a flight back to India tomorrow.
He ranted a little more and then said he would be in the office and that he wasn't changing is plans for India, but he needed space right now. He started talking about how he had no life here and that he had ruined it. Then he began to rant about me telling his family, etc about our problems. He said, quite angrily, that he was done.
He has said several time that he wants me in his life, so several days ago I asked him to explain what role he wanted me to play because I was trying to determine if it was in my best interest to end the marriage. I never got any reply to that question and didn't expect one.
Anyway, when he said he was done - as he was walking out of the room - I said I would find an attorney next week. He stopped dead in his tracks and asked, "So, you want to go there?" I said no but that he said he was done and I assumed he meant with everything, including me and the marriage.
He let that slide and went back to how he had no life here because "everyone" knew what he had done (the PA). I told him that I understood it was difficult, but I wanted to help. He said he appreciated that, got his suitcase and left. I didn't try to stop him.
On one hand, I am proud for standing up for myself and I am encouraged that my remark about getting an attorney seemed to have an affect on him - I don't think he wants to go there. And I also feel good about not trying to stop him from leaving or asking where he would stay. No begging, no crying, just okay, I understand.
But, I am concerned that I may have sent him back into the tunnel. But, I see his pushing to have BIL take on more in regards to running the company here as a control issue with him - through his brother.
I had wanted to be the wife he wanted to come home to and stay with. I blew that big time, I think. Thoughts? Have I done significant damage?
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
