Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

Feeling a bit down tonight. I am trying so hard to do the things that I read about in DR but I am not sure I am applying things correctly. I am giving my W as much space as possible, letting her initiate texting or phone calls unless it pertains to me getting my mail or needing something from the marital home.

One of our problems has always been a lack of communication. Which of course, she blames on me for not listening to her or hearing her. I dont feel that this is completely justified. Plus it works both ways. How am I to improve our communication skills if I need to let her initiate all contact and then keep it short.


Another issue she said was a problem is that I was not romantic enough. This I dont get at all. I always tried to be romantic. I remember all important dates from the first time we started dating which by the way is today to something as small as when she bought me a certain shirt that is my favorite.

I always loved holding hands in public or private. She told me things that made her feel special like caressing her face with the back of my hand while looking at her or kissing her. Running my fingers through her hair or kissing her as we passed in the house. I did all things and here is the kicker I liked to do it. I did it as often as possible. She says that she remembers telling me these things so I must be hearing what she is saying to me but I am just telling her what she wants to hear. I guess she feels I am just saying things to get her to come back to the M.

I dont how to reinforce these thoughts if she wont allow me to get close enough to give her a hug or kiss and show her I love doing these things instead of talking about them.

It seems to be a contant battle when I try and validate her feelings or empathize with her. She says I know you are working on things to improve this but again you are telling me these things because it is what I want to hear. I tell her I am working on some things for myself and thanks for noticing


Any pointers on what I may not be doing correctly? Or things that I might try to get her to trust that these improvement are going to stick and we wont fall back into the past marriage problems. I truly feel in my heart after solo MC that what I have learned in those sessions will stick and create a great marriage moving foward that will allow us to start the family that we both always wanted.