WAW having affair, still living in separate rooms

[kenva]

I was going to have him call. It's just frustrating.

[jp787]

Can anyone tell me how to message another member here?

Only way is to post to their thread, not private though

[kenva]

Jp787. How is ur piecing going? Did it help after your w moved out? It's real tense in our home now sleeping in other rooms and avoiding each other around the house.

[kenva]

Just got a text from her and she wanted to know what time and where to discuss. I responded that I was busy today. Then she said about doing it over the phone or after our s goes to bed. I said maybe after he goes to bed. She wants to move quick on this. I have my coach appointment this afternoon which I need to prepare. My heart is beating fast. Here we go!!

[kenva]

I plan on talking with her tonight. I'm going to be calm,listen to her and tell her what I think. I am also going to bring up the OM and tell her that it is not right for him to be around my s. I do believe that her moving out and me standing my ground in keeping the marital home will give her time to think. But how, with the OM in the picture? Confusing.!!

[jp787]

Jp787. How is ur piecing going? Did it help after your w moved out? It's real tense in our home now sleeping in other rooms and avoiding each other around the house.

Honest answer is if she had not have left, we would have D.

IDK if we would have made it to this point (where we are now) if she said or not, but it "Took" her leaving for me to stop my sh!t. I was consumed and no reason could talk me down. Just look at my earlier threads, I was horrible!

As hard as it is, you can only work hard on you and not worry about the OM. If she moves out, they may end up spending more time together and yeah I get that your fighting against that, but maybe look at it this way. Maybe she needs to be on her own, maybe she needs to be with OM, maybe this is what has to happen for things to change and have a chance of working out?

Your best bet is to work on you, for you. Trust me, I know it is hard. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through and I struggled bad

[kenva]

As I get ready tonight to talk with w I thought of posting this prayer.


'' God our Father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in your name, Amen"

[lovethehub]

It's real tense in our home now sleeping in other rooms and avoiding each other around the house.

I know that feeling, we were that way when H first BD'd me. Now, what can you do to change it? I acted happy and friendly (no matter how I felt) whenever H was around. I didn't go out of my way to talk to him just to talk but I said hello when he came home, replied to anything he said, talked about the kids stuff we needed to and always with a smile and a friendly tone. Inside, I wanted to choke him, outside, I was a happy person who was moving on with my life.

I do believe that her moving out and me standing my ground in keeping the marital home will give her time to think. But how, with the OM in the picture? Confusing.!!

Honestly, it can go either way. If she is with OM, she may just ignore all of her 'stuff' and move on, or she may realize that it isn't all roses with someone else and understand that eventually, she is going to have take a look at her role in her R's. If things are tense between the two of you and she feels your anger, pain, etc, which do you think is more likely? What you present is very, very important.

I am also going to bring up the OM and tell her that it is not right for him to be around my s.

This is your opinion (that I am sure most of us agree with, I know I do!) and you need to be careful how you present this. If you just say "it isn't right that he is around S", she is going to be defensive and tell you she can do whatever she wants with her life. If you let her know you have concerns and ask if you can discuss it together, then share how you feel it being so soon and confusing to him, you may get further. Hopefully, she will recognize that it really is too soon for him to be introduced.

'' God our Father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in your name, Amen"

I like that! Say it every morning, night and each time you leave and come home

[bluesgal]

Great advice Love the Hub!

I've been a long time follower of divorce busters, but I haven't followed the techniques very well.
A quick summary:
My husband claims I "checked out" of our marriage a long time ago. I agree. I took for granted that he would always be there and our family would always be strong. We have been fighting frequently over the last couple of years, and sometimes sleeping in separate rooms. In late May, I got the bomb. Told me he couldn't do this anymore and said he was done. I've spent the last 6 months on and off divorce busting. Trying to employ techniques, then getting impatient and pressing him for answers and pressuring him to save our family and forgive me. I just found out about the OW about 2 weeks ago. Very difficult. She is a coworker and he did not want to break it off with her. She finally broke it off with him because she didn't want to be a "homewrecker".
My husband says he is not completely closed to reconciling, but typical ILYBINILWY. He believes that if we make up, we will go down this road again in years to come when we get "comfortable".
He blames me for EVERYTHING!! It's so hard to listen to sometimes. I need help! What can I do so that he'll see my hard earned changes? How can I practice patience when I just want my caring husband back?
_________________________
Me:33 H:35
M: 12 years
D-15 S-6
Bomb: 6-2013
OW: 11/2013
I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair
He hasn't filed

[kenva]

Thank you lovethehub. We had our talk last night for half an hour. She really wants this house and is pushing me to qualify to take the marital house. The conversation was calm and warm. I agreed w her saying it is tense at the house now. And that I hope she is happy w the house she wants. She said I can see myself having a life there. She said that she is glad to see that I am being reasonable now. She said that our s is smart and that I have given u a good looking one. I told her he got the smarts from me and the looks from you. We chuckled. I told her that we had some good years together and she agreed. I then brought up her friend being around our s. told her to put herself in my shoes if I did that to her. She got a little defensive. I even called him out by name. I told her that I'm not stupid and an idiot. I know what's going in there and to not treat me like an idiot. All in all we left to go to sleep, in our separate beds on a good note. She also said she can't live like this anymore. This morning. She pushed it again to call the mortgage co. I asked her where this house was so I would know where my s would be. She text earlier saying she can show me the house today but told her I was busy all morning.
Man!!!! I am trying to keep a cool head with all of this knowing deep done inside I hate it and all I want to do is go off on her. I am going to show her that she is going to be a fool to want to leave me.