So much good information and it makes so much sense, too! Alas, a little late maybe. To make a long story short H was all set to leave again to go to OW's for the night and then come back again tomorrow night..wtf! I told him if he left to not come back, that I couldn't keep doing this, letting him run back and forth all the time. It was very dramatic around here for awhile tonight, me in tears..yes tears I couldn't hide any longer. I just kept saying how unfair this whole thing was and that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. I deserveed better. I just broke down. H said he thought I was stronger emotionally and could handle this and that he hadn't seen me this emotional this last 9 months. I said Oh yes I've cried, but every time I cried it's like a cleansing and I feel stronger.
I more or less gave H the ultimatim and I meant it, too.
H did tell me earlier that he "probably loved" her and that he wanted to be with her, but wondered why he felt so shi**y. I didn't really respond. H also said that "I love him, OW loves him, both sons love him, but why didn't H love H?
We did talk a lot today, H still claims he has no feelings for me. He came back to see if he did still have feelings. I said you've only been back for four weeks and you know already? He said yes. I said how can you tell, you still have feelings for OW, she's still in the picture?
I wasn't angry with H, I didn't rage at H. I took ownership of my feelings and stated them, they are my real feelings. If H did go back to OW tonight, that would have been it for me and H. I was done. I wanted a more stable life, not wondering every time H left if H was going to come back.
H did say that he had only been to see her once since he left her.
H also said he started drinking about noon yesterday and was drinking at his bar when OW showed up. H was soo drunk he ended up at OW's..she drove him home to her house because H was blasted!!!
Anyway, H didn't leave, he's sleeping in the bedroom downstairs...H could still go to OW, but he's here for now, I just can't take this anymore and am ready to move on from this nightmare.
