At first, I told him that I didn't want to talk about it.
He kept on bugging me so I told him that he still hadn't moved his two bags and toiletries back home and didn't want me at Thanksgiving...and that I wasn't going to keep having sex with a man who was not showing signs of wanting to continue the marriage. (BAD ANGELA!)
He texted that it shouldn’t be a surprise that he is still unhappy....that I still was "getting my hopes up" about things that are never going to change.
But, then, he told me that he was "trying to work on things"...that he was wanting to cuddle and hold me like I wanted, but that maybe we should stop having sex since I "find him so disgusting".
I don't remember the whole convo but I did tell him that I would move out and find a cheaper place to live, if that would make him happy....I shouldn't have said this because I don't want to move. He then made a comment that it’s typical of me to run off (I HAVE NEVER ran off in any form!).
Finally, we agree to stop texting for a bit and delete all old texts. About five minutes later, we found out from his mom via text that his mamaw was diagnosed yesterday with pancreatic cancer. So, we texted a bit about that (H is really upset by the news)…and I went to bed.
On a good note, I have my first counseling session tomorrow afternoon!!! Yay. That should help.
I think the bit about "running" is obvious projection. Even the bit about "why are you acting weird" seems like projection in a sense.
Hopefully it will bring you some comfort to know that I have TWICE mentioned to my H that "he should maybe just move out and be with OW full time if that is where he is happy" ... and it didn't provoke any action. And actually after a few days of thinking on it, he ended up admitting that was not what he wanted/was ready to do.
I think in this regard their "poor short term memory" works in our favor. And remember too that if he brings it up you are completely okay to say, "I was angry and reacting from a very emotional place, but I didn't not really mean what I said about moving." It's okay to admit we make mistakes too. If anything it is probably healthy and beneficial... we are taking accountability for our words and actions, and that is something they typically seem to think we are incapable of due to their monstrofication of us. :P
I have taken several opportunities to say, "What I said yesterday/earlier was a reflection of how hurt and angry I was feeling, I need to work on letting those feelings and ideas out in a way that is more respectful and less hurtful."
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
