I agree with you Ang, that it's hard to respect them when they have done all these crazy things. What I do is try to push that aside and just be in the moment of what is happening. If H and I are discussing S, I think only of that and that outcome, not all the terrible things he has done. If I focus on his acts then I will never move forward on any other situation either.
This is a really great way of looking at it. Take each situation as it is without any history attached to it. And, true, I can't move forward if I'm always thinking like I have been.
I know it's so hard to believe in this when it is still so traumatic. And especially with your H being so off-the-wall crazy, change the things that you wished you had done better before, not just for him but because it is what you feel is right. Take the time to know what those are and change that about yourself. Be that person.
Good reminder! I keep losing sight of this....and it's simple, too, to just work on who I want to be.
