As you go through this process. You will ebb and flow with it.
You will have ups and downs within yourself, and you will feed off of the emotion of the MLCer.
Anytime that you feel a shift from within, try to take a step back and figure out WHY that shift is occurring.
At times it will be because of the changes from within, while other times it will be because of the emotion around you.
MLCers tend to run on pure emotion, and that WILL seep over onto you if you don't recognize that when it happens.
And then there will be times when you feed off of the emotion here. OPS (other people's schidt) will also feed your emotional highs and lows.
Because of the closeness that you will get to the other posters, their stuff will blend with what you are trying to do. Recognize that, and do not apply what someone else is going through, to your situation. They are eerily similar, yet not all the same.
This is all part of the process once you choose to dive into it.
Try to keep an evenness around you, let the good times propel you through the bad times.
Use your anger as a shield, and not as a sword when you interact with your spouse....
When you feel angry, try to understand WHY you feel angry. Usually when anger is involved, it is for a reason. Most of the time, if you can recognize it....
Anger is the great motivator that can propel you from one stage to the other. Not all anger is bad. It is an emotion, which has to be felt, and then processed properly, in order to put it into perspective....
Having a live-in MLC is often difficult, because we tend to think that we (the LBS) has to be perfect all of the time. I think that we have to process ALL of the emotion of living, including anger. To not go through it would be extremely unhealthy. However, it is the WAY that we express it in front of the MLCer that is the key here.
The way the we feel it, show it, smell it, and process it HAS to be with the new set of rules that you have chosen to live by...
It is NOT a show, yet it feels like it is a show....
I understand ebb and flow. Ups and downs are certainly a reality in this mess. Just funny that W has seemed much more cordial and friendly over the past few days and I feel worse. Seems unreasonable. Just gotta focus on me and my boys. S12 has his first middle school BBall game today. Super proud of him! Daddy time is amazing!
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
JFun, I have been reading along for awhile now...I have to say I am so impressed with how fast you have gotten so much of this. Reading your threads has been like watching a metamorphosis..Its been a privilege to see.
Keep fighting the good fight. You are really a good man.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks bustingout. I'm humbled by your praise. You may overestimate me. I struggle everyday to get through it. I have not been very happy with myself the last couple of days. I have to be reminded to stay the course. I actually just spent the middle of my day reading back through all of my threads. Rereading the advice I've received along the way has really been eye opening. Staying focused is tough. It's the hard work that is the most rewarding, though.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
JF when my W starting warming up all of a sudden I felt worse as well. Its almost like our minds start getting ahead of the situation thinking what if or everything is gonna be ok. Then reality sets in and we realize that this hell is still real and it starts to hurt more all over again. You are doing great. Enjoy the good times and keep doing what you have been.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
I do the very same things, JF and indigo, start getting more down when things seem so normal. Like indigo said it's the reality that it won't be the same, or back to normal.
Keep pushing through until you start feeling better again. The ol' fake it until you make it routine. There will be many more days ahead like these.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Hey J, sorry you had a few down days. It happens. When you see your wife acting a bit normal, it gets your hopes up a bit, maybe without you realizing it.
But you also realize that your sitch is real, it is a long road and a lot of hard work is ahead and that can make you feel a little down or defeated.
All part of the process, I promise you.
The only way to do this, is through it.
So, shake it off if you can. See the bigger picture.
All parts of this journey are important. You dont want to skip any. Thats the only way to come out whole.
You have been doing wonderfully. Keep digging, keep praying, keep being your best self.
Back in the saddle. That's my approach tonight. Got to watch S12 play Bball tonight. Team lost, but proud of my boy. Good time as my mom made it as well as MIL. Great time to talk to folks young and old. Found myself going out of my way to talk to people and be friendly. Can't even count the number of people I listened to tonight telling me about their day or about the game.
I have noticed that my new listening skills make more approachable. I even went out if my way to tell one of S12's girl classmates great game and console her because she felt bad about losing.
I like that new part of me. It makes me feel good.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
