Yes you are correct it feels like forever but I know months don't compare to the rest of my life if this turns around.
We started out in MC, but all we did was argue and point blame so I suggested we do IC for a while so we wouldn't be in an environment where we argued and nothing nothing was coming out concerning our individual issues. We have both been going independently approx 3 months. For the time she says she feels ok talking with the counselor about her as well as our problems because there is no history between her and the counselor. My wife will then tell me about some of the things they discuss. My goal for us is to be able to attend MC again once she feels she is ready. She knows that there are some very emotional issues from her past prior to me that she has buried for years, but unfortunately it affected our marriage. I am proud of her for opening up to someone about them because we both understand until that wedge is removed we can't have a better marriage. I have urged her to get help for years but she had not went, so this is a positive for her as a person, and hopefully I will reap the benefits as well. I also go weekly but sometimes I feel I gain more by reading about others who have walked the walk before me. One thing that has caused us a road block is communication, she does not like to discuss problems or concerns due to it being confrontation so she tucks them away and moves on like they do not exist. Prior to this year I would let that drive me nuts and try to get her to talk, makes her uncomfortable and I don't get results. I have learned it us better to let her open up, listen, and then reply. I have only asked that at the point she starts feeling uncomfortable to tell me she is and I will end the conversation then.
Yes AP is her affair partner. To her she says she can remain platonic because his kid and our kid play together and she doesn't want the kids relationship to be affected. I can sort of understand that as I do not want our son to suffer any more damage than necessary, but I feel that is leaving the door open for more problems later. I explain that it is very difficult for me to move forward with our relationship and regain trust when he is still in any sort of contact with her.
Thanks for the forum you have here. It had helped me to understand that I wasn't the only one going thru this.
