Thanks for the great advice subguy. Answering your questions and they are good ones.
"Do you think you used this lady as an escape from the pain of your D? Have you read co-dependent no more?"
The pain from the divorce was long over for me. Initially I think I did use A more as an escape for my lonely empty life and that is pretty pathetic. I did not see this until she sent me that earth shattering email back in October. Back in March 2011 alimony payments ended and my exwife had to pay me the remaining equity from our house. So I had an extra $500/month plus almost $20,000. Paid off any and all debts I had and started having a good time again. Basically reverted back to some bad habits. Went out and bought a new wardrobe, went to visit my brother in Las Vegas and bought new car. I thought looking good would attract the woman and could not figure out why it did not (pretty damn shallow). I don't know why it took me so long to realize that "It is not the clothes that make the man, but the man in the clothes".
GAL is exactly what I am starting now. I love animals, especially cats, and have volunteered at a local cat shelter; time for me to do something good for a change. Signed up for some meetup groups in my area and will make new friends this way, plus get out. In the process of getting a loan for school to finish my BA in Biochemistry. Have six classes to do and if all goes well will be done Dec. 2014. In therapy for my deeper issues that I never confronted just after my divorce.
Subguy you are so right in choosing not to date until you have done the work on YOU. I thought I had done that only to find out I had done nothing. Yes A has pretty much made it painfully obvious she wants nothing to do with me. I am sure she feels that I totally was using her and it sure would appear that way by my actions. So I can't blame her for wanting nothing to do with me. Then she is a woman of her word and said that "she needed concrete proof that I can be a friend" and to come clean with her. I did that back in early November. Now I just have to try to forget about it since I do not control her. The sooner I GAL and move forward the better off I will be. If she does contact me it will be on her terms obviously. At least I know her schedule (a blessing and a curse) as far as frequenting common places and I know her car. For now I am going to avoid places that she is at; I am just not emotionally ready to cross paths with her.
Yes...everyone here is great. People here really care for others going through this. I met a bunch of great people 7 years ago.
