Me: I've got Friday 20th off. W: So would you like me to bring them Thursday 19th? Me: Yes please. W: What time will you want them there? Me: I'm gonna try and finish for 15:00. W: Ok. Really don't want to be driving back home in the dark. Earlier the better otherwise I'll have to stay over. Me: Hopefully I can finish earlier. I will know better nearer the time. W: Ok. I'll get a double onsie just in case I have to stay just to ease the awkwardness. (sent a pic she took off her laptop with her phone)
An hour later...
W: Skype Me: Can't today. Thanks anyway. W: Do try and make an effort to skype them this week. Me: Tomorrow at 5:30? W: Hopefully
3 hours later...
W: Can I confirm what dates in December you have kids? Me: Every weekend except the 1st. Plus the 20th and the 30th. You said you wanted them for a weekend in December? Are you wanting them the 14th-15th? W: Yes I'll have them that weekend.
5 mins later...
W: Can you bring me the Christmas decorations?? Don't worry...I won't make you take them back this time. Me: I can bring you some. I've valeted my car I'm not getting it [censored] up with glitter and tinsel. If it will fit in my boot I will bring it. I wasn't going to take them back W: Right well keep the black tree. Suits that house better. Just bring me all the other stuff. Stop being a moody arse.
This morning...
W: I'll be claiming my slary??? Lol (sent me some text photographed out of an article about stay at home Moms)
I'm not sure where I stand with her maybe wanting to stay that night. I don't want her there but not sure what the law is with it still be part hers. Tbh I would prefer her not to but I also don't care. If she wants to sleep on the sofa thats up to her it's not going to change what I plan to do.
She keeps making jokes about the onesie and stuff. I'm not getting involved, if she thinks she can placate me by being funny she is wrong.
I answer if it's a serious question, if it's not I ignore. I'm not trying to teach her anything, I just don't want to know.
She thinks I'm being moody and in a way it can be seen that way. I'm being polite when I should and straight to the point when I think it's needed.
I remember reading someone elses thread on here a long time ago and he said that he was ready for divorce and previously although I could have done it I was fearful of what it meant and that I have never felt ready and not sure if I ever would. What a difference a couple of months make. I'm ready.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
She just keeps going around and around and she hasn’t changed her behavior one bit! All though it is a major decision I think I understand why you feel ready! Enough is simply enough...
You will be just fine!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
It is a major decision. I don't feel like it is the end though. I feel like I need this as a clean start for whatever that may be for. I cannot go on as I am and I cannot even think about rekindling anything if she does ever sort herself out.
Mentally I could never get my head around my W being with someone else in our M.
This marriage just like the old relationship is dead.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
T, I have been following your thread for a bit, but didn't have anything useful to add. Just wanted to let you know, from someone who is well behind you in this process, that you have some pretty great insight and wow, you are strong!! Good for you for seeing things as they are and your W as she is, and not trying to jump back in out of desperation. Your W sounds pretty conflicted, and yes, she does have a lot of work to do on herself. It sure doesn't seem like she is ready to let you go. I will be interested to see what she does/thinks if you decide to move forward with D.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
T, I have been following your thread for a bit, but didn't have anything useful to add. Just wanted to let you know, from someone who is well behind you in this process, that you have some pretty great insight and wow, you are strong!! Good for you for seeing things as they are and your W as she is, and not trying to jump back in out of desperation. Your W sounds pretty conflicted, and yes, she does have a lot of work to do on herself. It sure doesn't seem like she is ready to let you go. I will be interested to see what she does/thinks if you decide to move forward with D.
Thanks Melissag,
Wierd thing is I don't feel strong, I just feel like me.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
You're doing great T, don't get into wondering why she's doing what she's doing. Hold your boundaries.
You can only get on the roller coaster if you buy a ticket. Ignore the carnival barker.
Thanks bug
lol, ignore the carnival barker.
I nearly bought a ticket last night when she told me to stop being a moody arse. Glad I didn't in the end.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
W text me last night but I never noticed until much later on just before my phone ran out.
W: What are we doing about gifts this year. We buying stuff for each other from the boys or not? Me: I would say no. W: Really? You don't want gifts from the boys? W: Stop being such a moody arse. You're kinda stuck with me for the rest of your life whether you like it or not so let's try and get on.
I had written a reply but my battery died. I was a bit unsure about the message I was sending anyway so I left it until the morning. I still felt like seending it so I did.
Me: I know I'm stuck with you for a while yet. I will be polite and I will talk to you about anything to do with the boys. I personally don't want any more contact other than that unless really needed. W: I'm sorry you feel like that. I hope you get to a point where I am in life where there are no bad feelings. I wish you all the happiness and will not contact you other than to discuss the kids. X Me: I feel fine and I don't hate you W. I'm not trying punish you in anyway. Your actions over the last few weeks and especially after what you pulled on Sunday I feel it best we don't interact unless we need to. W: What ever makes you happy T1000.
I will be honest that her saying "I hope you get to a point where I am in life..." annoyed me. I thought I should tell her where I stand so hopefully she stops trying to make jokes and other conversation.
The thing is I do hate her right now. I'm hoping that if I live life acting that I don't hate her that might pave the way to forgiveness of her if only for myself.
It would be great to open present off my kids at xmas. However I am no mood whatsoever to go out finding gifts for my W for xmas. Mothers Day yes, that is something I will help the kids with and maybe in years to come getting gifts for their mother when they understand it.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
: What are we doing about gifts this year. We buying stuff for each other from the boys or not? Me: I would say no. W: Really? You don't want gifts from the boys? W: Stop being such a moody arse. You're kinda stuck with me for the rest of your life whether you like it or not so let's try and get on.
You have to put your feelings aside no matter how hard it is. I have taken my D out every year to buy her dad bday, xmas and Father's Day gifts (and picked them out myself and put her name on them before she could do it) so she knew she gave Daddy a gift. This is my own opinion so take it for what it's worth - I think it is important for the kids to have gifts to give to their parents and from 4 and up, they can help. When my D was little the gifts didn't always make sense but they were what she thought dad would want and that's what I bought.
All said, you are doing a great job and I think it is good that you let her know you only want to talk/text if it is about the kids. It is the only way she will ever grow up and, even then, she may not.
(((hugs)))
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
