Wife says she wants to leave

[Accuray]

I can help you with the "you only want sex" complaint. That's a fairly common issue you describe. Men often experience intimacy and connection through sex, women stereotypically experience intimacy and connection more through conversation and quality time. If you weren't doing the quality time but still pursuing the sex, they will feel the relationship is empty and they're just being used, not realizing that you believe you are emotionally connecting with them because that's what you are taking away from it. (i.e. you can't see the piece that's missing from their perspective)

So what do you do about it? Validate, as you have done. Read "The Five Love Languages" if you have not. The bottom line is that people "receive love" on different channels, but tend to always send it on the same channel they receive it. If your style doesn't match your spouse, what you consider to be your loving gestures are missing the mark.

The other thing to do about it near term is to be very careful to never escalate intimacy. If she holds your hand, hold her hand but don't hug her. If she hugs you, hug her back but don't kiss her. etc. etc. You can mirror, but you cannot take things up a notch. Tell her that this will be your rule. This will help her to feel "safe", that she can connect with you physically but not worry that it will flip your "we're heading to the bedroom" switch.

That's your path back, to establish some physical connection while having her feel safe that it won't be reciprocated with an advance.

Longer term, you have to do the quality time. TV off, no distractions, looking her in the eye and speaking to her for some period of time every day, regardless of whether or not it leads to sex. You should also make it a point to go to bed at the same time as a rule. If you can do that, then the "you only want me for sex" complaint should disappear on it's own.

Acc