Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my thread and for the support. I cannot even begin to imagine where I would be if I had not found this site.
M - It is hard to enforce the boundaries because I actually want H to lay in my room and watch shows like "old times." I would do anything to spend every night as a family. But I know that I need to give up some things in the short term if I have any hope of reaching my long term goal.
I feel empowered. I think that I have taken a step off of my H's roller coaster. I still have bad days, but I don't feel like my life is completely out of control. I have taken away most of the things that my H blamed for the demise of our marriage and for his A. Maybe now, H will have to take a look at himself. But if he does not, at least I know that I will be ok.
I have a great book recommendation:
This Is Not the Story You Think It Is...: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by Laura Munson
It took me a bit to get into it (she gives a lot of background about her life), but it is excellent. I have it on CD and listen to it in the car. Without knowing it, she is totally DBing. It is awesome to hear how she responds to her H and how she keeps her emotions at bay. Her H goes through the say script that most of our S have told us. She talks about validating, living her life as if.
When her husband told her that he is no longer in love with her and not sure that he ever way, she simply responded "I dont buy it." I think the same thing every time my husband says he does not love me and every time I listen to his version of our history that he has rewritten. While I know that he may currently believe this to be true, I just dont buy it.
