The Big Hill

[Pudmuddle]

Journaling this morning just to track small positives I'm seeing from H, since talking to my coach.

-H acknowledged my feelings about my Dad's bday since his death
-Gave me a warm full body hug for that
-Hugged me the following morning in the same way
-When saying goodnight last night I was able to run my fingers through what is left of his hair (lol) and he didn't recoil at this
-I asked him out to go see the play my son is doing behind the scenes work for tomorrow night, and he accepted. So we kinda have a 'date'.

So it's only been a few days since talking to my coach, and all these things seem like very positive steps. It still scares me to some degree, but I do realize we are going to have to build a new relationship. So I have to treat him like someone I would want to date. I hope it's not all in vain and he doesn't have any more surprises up his sleeve. Alas, I have to remember no expectations on any behaviors I may see.

Insert quote from tiger here: (thanks el tigre!)

"I think it all goes back to the bit about "having no expectations." If we have expectations they ARE just going to keep letting us down for now, that's just the reality. "