Wife Left. 4 months into nightmare

[SM34]

I'm not sure how you worded the two choices conersation to her, but it could easily have come across as controlling or presumptious, or condescending. I think you should stay away from telling her what her options are.

For a start, women don't like it when their man tries to 'fix' their problems and any attempts to offer solutions can be condenscending to them.

Secondly, she needs to work through her problems on her own and come up with what she wants out of her life. She is very aware of her options, infact there are most likely some options in her head that you haven't even considered!! What about option three, she doesn't help her mom OR come back to you because she is tired of helping everyone and being everyone's comforter? Have you considered that? She probably has!

I think in staying with the true DB spirit, I would suggest you focus on 'showing' her the options not 'telling' her them......

So on one side you stop helping her move forward with her plans and stop being there for her when she needs reassurances that she will be fine...

On the other hand, show her a man she would want to be with. A man with dreams and ambitions who is going somewhere. A man who knows how to have fun but also knows when to get things done. Thats what a woman needs and likes.

By framing the choices you gave her, you were actualluly giving her a choice between leaving you, and returning to the exact same marriage she fled from. I think you know which option wins that decision.