JG, the GF was not a deal breaker for me...lying is. So when H and I began having honest conversations, I told him flat out that he has to stop lying. Actually said it is hardest to stop lying to yourself, stopping the lying to everyone is easy in comparison!!
I saw a lot of things I did not like about myself and a few phrases from here will always remain with me:
Time and Space Be the wife only a fool would leave Do you want to be happy or be right?
The first two are handily worked on through PMA and GAL. I cannot recommend GALing until you drop.
And smile. Be calm, be lovely, have a little smile. Drives them crazy...
Who knew GAL would be hard. I now realize how much I depended on H. I don't really have any friends where we live. All my close friends are far away. That is something I need to work on.
Today. .
1. Bought my first glue gun and made my first fabric rosette. I have never been crafty but always wanted to be. I am going to make a wreath with fall colors for front door.
2. Didn't make it to gym but put on some music and danced around house. It has been awhile since I was happy enough to do that.
3. had a great time playing wii with S9.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Julie, glad you had fun with your S9. Dancing around the house is a great way to get some endorphins!
It is so helpful to get out with other people. There are so many ways to meet people - but the best is to go to a class (whatever you are interested in - photography, cooking, yoga, anything!) Start a new hobby. Go to the gym!
It's funny, I don't think GAL is hard, I Just feel like there isn't enough GAL in the world to distract me from my situation. I GAL like mad and still find that I have too much time to think FML 50 times a day. Oh well, at least I'm not saying while I am GALing.
Keep up the good work!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I have a horrible confession to make so please don't ban me from these boards.
I stooped to his level and lied. He told me he was hiking in the mountains yesterday. This morning I saw a bag from AC Moore in the basement. The receipt was from just a little after I had been there and I started panicking that he had seen me and heard me on the phone with my sister talking about DB and Detaching and GALing.
So I called him and asked if he was there yesterday. He immediately started acting like I was accusing him of not being where he said he was going to be. Which I was.
I do realize I broke many rules and have majorly backtracked m
Now here is where the lie comes in. I have been working really hard not to start arguments over his many lies. (He says he found a box of condoms in the v yard and didn't know where they came from. I said ok and vwalked away) I didnt want him to v know I saw the receipt so I said I was just concerned because I saw 2 charges from same day on account. He informs me he paid with his other credit card. (The one he opened a few months ago and I have no access to) I back pedal and say I will just check with bank.
I feel so awful. I am no better than him. I want to apologize but then it may be better to just drop it. I have tried calling - I know bad. Of course he isn't answering.
How do people sustain lies. This is driving me crazy.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Just saw my therapist and she told me to let myself off the hook for the lie. She said the problem was that I was reacting and not thinking and then acting. She said to just move on.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
So I read a lot of DR today. So far I have been thinking of this as doing a 180 of my behavior over the last few months. I should really be thinking about doing LRT- which is basically the 37 rules. I have been so inconsistent. I am going for one day at a time. I want to get through tonight without any slips.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Julie, you are human, and you have emotions. You just have to stop letting H know that. And you have to stop wondering what he is doing, who he is with, what he overheard, etc. Read the rules. Do NOT ask him anything about where he was, when, or what he bought. Even if you lie and say it has to do with the credit card. Even if it actually does have to do with the credit card. (Unless it's something really really urgent like there is a $10k charge from Japan or something.)
Here is one thing I have learned with DBing - and I have to keep reminding myself of it. If you mess up, LEAVE IT. If you call him now, and he answers, what are you going to say? You will almost certainly make it worse. Just leave it alone. Let yourself off the hook. Get up, dust yourself off, read the rules again, and keep on DBing.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
P.S. It is pretty obvious that asking him any questions won't yield any answers anyway - he is lying his ass off right now about everything, and resenting you for it.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
