OK. Lots of thinking over the last couple of days. You guys are getting in my head.
Here goes: After BD, we had lots of talk time before I found this place and figured out how to find direction in things. One particular conversation really cut me deep and struck a nerve. Our MC asked us to make a list of reasons we fell in love with one another. W had a hard time coming up with anything. (No surprise) We talked about things later and I told her all kinds of things I loved about her. As she struggled, our convo went like this:
JF: Do you think I just came along at the right time?
W: IDK. Maybe. I've never needed anyone. (Big Badge of Honor for her)
JF: Was it just time for you to start a family?
W: I didn't want to have kids when I was in my 30's.
JF: If you can't even remember why you loved me, and you never need anyone else, why didn't you just go to a sperm bank?
W: Cause that's not what you're supposed to do. : (
I almost puked at that response. You talk about feeling absolutely unloved, unneeded, and worthless. That took me to a very dark place.
I'm not sure I've felt really loved by anyone besides my sons in a long time. This is surely part of the reason that I arrived at the level if disappointment I did in our M. I simply found satisfaction in my job where I was needed and was appreciated.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
