"You're My Best Friend"

[tigerlily78]

I can relate to what you feel about being a "caretaker." I know that is the role I have clearly most identified with while my son has been growing up and I have probably done so much caretaking on my H's account that I undermined his ability to care for himself or be self sufficient in doing a lot of normal adult things.

I am starting to see that it's always important to CARE, but in a way it's almost better as a caretaker to teach and enable the people in your life to be able to care for themselves and contribute too. If you don't you may actually be robbing them of important lessons in self sufficiency, responsibility, and purpose. I can also see how some of my failure to be as attentive as a W as my H wanted was because I was carrying to much of the burden of the household stuff and parent stuff that I didn't have the time and energy to be a stellar, sexy wife sometimes.

So maybe think of seeing how it works to dial back being the caretaker, and instead become a care-teacher. Ask them to chip in more, teach them how to do what you do, and I bet in doing so they will also begin to gain a lot more appreciation for the job you DID do for all those years. But also of course be prepared that their way of doing things may not always measure up to your standards, and THAT is okay too.

I was always terrible before about not requiring my son to have chores and making him all his meals, etc. Since I gave him "the talk" about my H's MLC and told him I was going to need him to step up and help me out in this difficult transition, he has really blossomed into taking responsibility.