"You're My Best Friend"

[reachingHigher]

Just now, I was looking for an email my H sent me in October of last year. I saw some of our emails back and forth about our impending D at that time.

It was so weird to read these communications.

Like November 28 we are discussing the drafts and final copy of D decree, when and where H would sign it. Expecting him to sign Dec. 27 and be final January 2. Pleasant, polite and kind emails.

Interspersed with emails from me like "H, Lands' End has a 30% off sale this weekend, no shipping cost. Do you wanna order with me and the boys?"

And ones from him "I'd like to see S13 play tennis and will meet you at the courts at 5 pm."

Is that strange or what?

~ ~ ~ ~

Then, he asks to delay the D on December 24, and I sent him an email on December 26 describing some of the stages of MLC according to Hearts' Blessing. His response: Thank you ever so much. You can't know how much that means to me.

I thought for some posters here struggling right now with spouses in replay, this could be some encouragement.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

TVS and Heather,

Thank you for your encouraging comments on TVS's thread. I've been feeling so weak. Yes, I need some healing and don't know exactly how to go about it. I feel pretty wornout in a lot of ways.

I've reviewed some material I downloaded from the Internet in September on increasing self-esteem.

My goal with H right now is to just let him be who he wants to be. To love him and not to try to change him. To respect him and support his goals and dreams.

My goal with me is to build my self-confidence and inner strength.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

H told me yesterday about a birthday party on this coming Sunday for a guy friend. He didn't really say if I was invited or not. He had been snippy last week with me and said outright that the reason I wasn't going to the college football game he attended last week was that I wasn't invited. Usually he isn't rude like that.

So I was treading lightly about this birthday party and told him if it was this Sunday I was going to buy a ticket for myself to a live local concert. He asked why. Didn't I want to go to the birthday party? I said I did but hadn't been invited. (Btw, the MC told me to take advantage of opportunities when H invites me to social gatherings. Even if it puts me out of my comfort zone.)

Well, he said I was invited and then we discussed particulars about the party. It sounded like some of the same group of drinking friends. He and his other buddy are planning on getting this birthday boy (age 42) a gym membership.

Should I get a Mylar balloon that says "Happy Birthday"? H said we don't hafta bring food or drinks. And just contribute some $ for the cake. I wanted to bring something special. Am I far enuf out on the fringe of this group that nothing would be expected? A bottle of wine, maybe?

I'm expecting this to be a much smaller crowd than the cookout this summer. And frankly, I am shocked H is inviting me. I'll have to be on my best behavior (no catty remarks from me no matter WHAT I hear) and I want to dress looking great!

I'm thinkin' slim black pants with casual calf-high boots and a nice sweater. And a big pretty smile for everyone I talk to