The Big Hill

[Pudmuddle]

I think I just answered my own last rant on Ang's thread so I am going to post it here, LOL!

Hey Ang, I had a thought while rereading your and my thread again.

I am in the same boat as you in that I forgive my H but I don't trust and respect him a lot yet. Since the trust is way harder, for me anyway, to regain I thought I would try rebuilding the respect with my H. I can show him that he can trust ME by rebuilding my sense of respect for HIM and showing him bits of respect.

For example, I have started showing more respect for him in areas of talking to and disciplining our S when we have issues or discussions with S. I no longer but in to their heated discussions, I just let them go until they solve it in their own way. I don't always agree with H and the way he communicates things but this is his issue to solve.

When H and I have a discussion before talking to our S, and come to an agreement on what to say and do when we talk with him, I tell H that 'I trust him to relay the information to S'. And then I sit back and let him relay the information, and I do not butt in or interfere, unless I have something to add from my own angle. I try not to side with S as I did in the past. I felt like I was protecting him before, but I was also disrespecting H by not working with him to come to agreements.
Doing this has shown my H that I trust him to communicate, solve his own issues and show respect by being 'one' parent when talking with S. It means we are working together. Also if H comes to me with an issue about S, I say 'Well what do you think we should do?' Showing him that I respect his opinion.

This approach has resulted in my H talking to me much more openly about S and his issues. For me this looks like a start to us working on our issues when H feels more comfortable and feels like I respect him more than I did in the past. To me him feeling like I respect him can lead to him trusting me again, and hence me trusting him,...someday. wink

I hope this helps you to see what I am getting at. Lots of runon sentences, lol, but I am speaking from the heart and not the brain.

And I think I just answered my own questions I had on my thread. LOL!!!!

Happy Days Ang! You really are starting to heal and process.