I am going in to open an acct. He is going to have automatic deposits into this acct. He has another acct for our mortgage and bills. Another one for business expenses.
So this is the first attempt at budgeting as a team.
I am to work with a set amount for the month.
Now there is a fear here for me.
I can't say what the fear is about.
So far I've addressed so many of the issues between us.
Finances and budgeting is a big one, and I believe this is a step.
Sex, is another, but I can't force anything there.
I am trying to work with him as a team, and of course DR every opportunity I can.
I would love to have some positive come from this, but the fear of him separating everything out, gives me the willies.
Help! I am feeling SO uncomfortable. I want to do this right, and I want to succeed here.
The fact that I'm on board with this, and that I've said I want to be part of a team here...will he see this as positive, will this bring us closer? Part of me, wonders ...am I being set up? Is he planning on using this as a record for divorce settlement?
After reading all the negative stuff on other threads and that he is experimenting, I can't stop whirling thoughts.
I want to trust him. He has NEVER been sneaky with finances before. Has always been generous. Even when he'd win in poker, he'd come home and give me half his winnings.
WHY WHY WHY am I so scared about this?
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
When you say you " want to do this right" or you want to " succeed" , what does that mean to you? Getting him back is how your successes are defined?
That was about budgeting. About being able to prove to myself that I can do it. That I can not only do it well, that when I'm working full time I'll be contributing in yet another way in our marriage.
Yes, I am scared that after all the changes he may not see what I've accomplished. There is NOTHING I can do about it.
I just hope he does, and warms to the idea of trusting in me and my love. I hope he will allow me to show him in all ways what he means to me, and has always meant to me.
I can only learn from our mistakes, my mistakes, and go forward. It will hurt and I'll feel incredible pain, but I do know I'm a tough cookie. Think Oreo, crispy on the outside yet deliciously soft inside.
I know I want him and us for the right reasons, and I'm willing to humble myself. He deserves to be loved, and we deserve another chance at becoming teammates, helpmates, best friends and lovers. So yes this is very scary to me, I want to succeed and I want us to prosper.
It is out of my hands and I pray to God daily that he shows my husband my progress and has mercy on myself. I pray that the union he blessed once will be blessed again, and no person put asunder. I pray this shows my girls what can happen and not to take anything for granted. That hopefully the divorces to which both our families have succumbed will not happen to their parents. That we break the pattern and we all heal and once again become one.
I will still hope, and continue to work on myself. Thanks again Gabbys, I appreciate your time.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Hey, I opened the account and after I get back from the gymn I'll shoot you the numbers you need.
Your pyramid weight lifting poundage work out is getting some results. I'm hoping to reach my current goal in about a week or so!
I am excited and motivated at being part of our budgeting process! I'm looking for yet another position and hopefully will be contributing even more in the near future.
A.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Good job. I like the way you put it. "excited and motivated" ... that denotes a lot of confidence and enthusiasm.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Ambivalent, I'm glad your h is coming over for Thanksgiving. Have the home smelling of wonderful aromas of baking, some light music and just be yourself. Please keep your expectations at zero at all times.
I do want to point out one thing...it's nice that you are taking his concerns and turning them around and working on them, but be prepared for additional items because no matter what you do, the MLCer will come up w/additional complaints. Please do not pretzel yourself for him. Do the things that you think are necessary and will improve on your quality of life.
It's nice to have goals...but sometimes, you just have to go w/the flow and enjoy life just a bit. Just be yourself and everything will go well on Turkey Day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yeah, I don't expect anything on Thanksgiving...what is there to expect? As for concerns, I am aware of this too...Read the MLC Book for Dummies.
Funny, I remember my husband saying something about that he would like it if I would like going to gymn to workout. I let him know I may NEVER like going to the gymn, but I like my results. Just a tad controlling there, ya think?
I have shared some of the stuff I found out w/d #2. She is old enough to deal with it, and I want her to learn as much from this as I. I was only fourteen when I found out about my father screwing around. Now I didn't say THAT to her. She is 21 and it is better I let her know a bit at a time, than for her to get hit between the eyes.
I learned much from my mom's situation and she had MANY regrets. One was kicking him out.
I am excited for her to come stay from T-F...it will make it less lonely while I do all the prepping.
I'm going to have martini's with her, and on Thanksgiving some good wine!
I'm going to go pick up my new sized jeans from her today. She is working p-time at a w's clothing store, and I may have discounts! They have the best jeans for my figure!
I'm going to look casually awesome for T-giving.
I was thinking I'd love to play some sort of game outside for the day...I would like to have fun and not just work the day.
Oh, my h. usually would do the turkey on the grill, should I ask if he wants to, or should I just go ahead and do it myself?
I know how, have done it prior for many years, what say you?
Or should I just let it be, if he wanted to he'd volunteer or ask?
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
I would plan to go ahead and do the turkey myself. They don't think that far ahead when it comes to preparing for a dinner of this sort.
Why not prepare most of your "fixings" the night before so that all you have to do is pop whatever in the oven, etc, and can enjoy some time w/your family? The day shouldn't be all about you staying in the kitchen. Do something different this year so that YOU can enjoy the day as well.
The above would be 180's for you and something different form what you've done in the past.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
