New to the board, fairly newly LBS from MLC.

[tigerlily78]

I was still in bed when he came home to get ready for work. I gave him a pleasant "Good Morning" and he gave me one too. No other words exchanged.

Last night I asked if I would have time today to take clothes to the laundromat. He said it might depend on what was going on with work, but he would try to come home and work in the afternoon.

Well, 2:20 he finally calls me to ask if I did end up doing some laundry and how long it will take to do at the laundromat. H lets me know he went out for lunch and has to head back to work, won't be heading home until around 4. (Does he really have to head back to work, did he eat lunch with OW? Yes, I wonder these things, but I know better than to ask, at least for today)

I ask if he still plans to be here for dinner tonight. He says he will eat if dinner is ready, but he is leaving around 7pm. I say, ok. There is a LOOOOONG pause. I am listening to see if he has anything else to say. He finally says, "Ok, I just wanted to let you know. I will see you later."

He is one of those people who is rather slow and deliberate in their speech sometimes. It's hard for me to figure out at times
if he is done talking or just thinking. I am going to have to get more comfortable with the silence and just be patient.

[tigerlily78]

And YES, I did really want to text him and ask if he forgot about the laundry, but I didn't. And now I am glad, he did actually think to call me.

[tigerlily78]

Dim the whole rest of the afternoon. Made him dinner, ate it in his den. When he brought his dishes down I got a good hug. I told him "I am putting my faith in The Universe." He says, "I think you'll be angry again tomorrow." He started to pull away. I said, "Maybe, but I am going to really try not to be." He pulled me closer and hugged me tight again.

Told him goodbye, didn't even get misty until he was out the door. I am going to count that as a win.

My H knows what the Universe comment means. So all you who send positive messages out to the Universe, don't be afraid to send one out for me once in awhile.

[Feenix]

Ah, tiger....I just now finally caught up on your sitch.

I am sending TONS of positive messages out to the Universe for you!

You are so strong and brave. I can tell that your man has caused you so much pain and hurt...and you are doing beautifully.

Hang in there.....this crap is so hard...but you are worth taking care of yourself!

HUGS and good thoughts!

[tigerlily78]

Thank Angela. I still find myself having those moments of anxiety... what if he doesn't end up seeing the light?

But I know right now I have to be strong for both of us and for our son, so that's what I am trying to do.

So far today I am feeling pretty good. There was a bit of flirting!

He came home earlier for lunch than he has been lately, I was surprised. He asked what I was making for lunch. I said I didn't know yet and asked if he wanted to eat with me. He asks, "Eat with you how?" I clarified, "I just meant I'd make us both something, but if you wanted to eat lunch and watch tv together I'd be up for that." He said he had some thing to do before he could eat. I said that's fine, I was going to go get my run in quick.

I went to get changed into my running gear and he came into the bedroom while I was in just my underwear and a tank top. I laughed and covered my rear, and told him to try and control himself. He said, "I'm trying, but leaning over like that you're liable to get pregnant." I laughed and reminded him I am still on my depo shot. He went on through to the bathroom and I finished getting dressed and left to run before he came back out.

After lunch he brought his dishes down. He mentioned that the meal we had often makes him feel sick, probably he salsa on the side has garlic. I verified, that yes it probably does and that I wish he had mentioned that to me sooner and I would have made a change or at least not made that lunch so often. He said, well now you know.

He asked if I planned to have a coffee this afternoon. I said I hadn't planned on it, but I could maybe go for one. He asked if I would mind making him a coffee, I told him I'd make him coffee for a hug. He said that seemed a cheap price to pay. He was wearing his fuzzy robe and it was so cuddly. He leaned a little oddly at one point and I asked what he was doing, "stretching my back a little he said and touching your side fat." I laughed and told him he better touch it while it's still there, that I have lost 25 pounds already. He said I was looking really good, that he had to be conscious to give me a "friend hug" so he wouldn't get a boner. We both laughed over that. I asked if he has that problem with all the girls. He said, "no, only with you." I said he will have to tell me when I start to look too skinny. He said I shouldn't worry about it, I have always had a great ass even when I was thinner. *blushing a little here* I said thanks.

He switched gears then to tell me about his work stuff... he made some minor code changes that greatly improved their product efficiency. I validated that it sounded like a good accomplishment, and I was not surprised. He is very good at what he does and that I was glad he had the opportunity now to make some of those changes, because I know that his previous supervisor was not very receptive to changes like this and always questioned him.

He said yeah, it felt nice not to have his hands tied at work for once. I waited to see if he was going to say more on the subject, but he seemed to feel satisfied. He thanked me for making the coffee and excused himself to go back upstairs to work.

Glowing a little. I know right now it still doesn't really mean anything, but it is nice to just ENJOY time together.

[Pudmuddle]

Must be the el tigre in you coming out!

Nice, very nice on the flirting stuff, I SOOOOO miss that.

Sounds like you handled all interactions well, with caring, concern, lightheartedness and no expectations.

Good for you, you are doing so well.

[tigerlily78]

I played it cool when he left tonight. He told me "he's going skating." Seems kind of silly, I pretty much always know when he is going skating. There's a schedule, he wears certain kinds of clothes, etc. I guess it is just something for him to say.

And it's not like I don't know where he is going to end up afterwards. I guess this is both of us acting "as if" there is no funny business going on. :P

[tigerlily78]

Wouldn't it figure? We had a decent day yesterday so today he appears to have taken the day off or has decided to "work from home" at OW's place.

He did already tell me he wouldn't be here for dinner tonight. I may have mistakenly said, "I'll see you in the morning" when he left yesterday... It is almost like that phrase in and of itself is a trigger for him to NOT come here in the morning if he can help it. Maybe I am over-analyzing.

He told me yesterday that he would be here for dinner on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night... so I guess we shall see.

Son is supposed to go help out with a Scout thing on Saturday morning. H tells me "I will try to get back early that morning.
TRY? Well gee, thanks. I didn't respond, it seemed like button pushing or just setting me up for disappointment if for some reason he doesn't manage to follow through.

Weather is supposed to be pretty crap anyways Saturday and son has been having some behavioral issues at school the past couple days, it might be better to let him off the hook for the event. He's not really needed anyways, just offered to help because he is a good kid.

I am trying to let myself just enjoy the peace and quiet. It is nice to not have to play the "I am avoiding you even though we live in the same house" game. It's also a big improvement over having to hear him chortling upstairs over things that are so darn funny that he has no desire to share them with me, or listening to gangsta tunes about bootyshaking and all the obvious overdeveloped sense of entitlement stuff. :P

I suspect he will not come home at all. I guess in a sense that is having an "expectation", but not a positive expectation. :P

[tigerlily78]

Oh I almost forgot. I had a weird dream last night. For whatever reason my house was inundated with kittens. And I was literally "wrangling cats" all over the house trying to keep them out of trouble, and at some point there were these large scary black vulture/eagle like birds in the house trying to make off with the kittens. My brother, who is currently in Germany was in the dream and so was one of my sisters, but they seemed totally inept to help me.

Later dreamed of OW dying in a car accident, that I had to support H through his grief. Wowzers.

My brain is working overtime at night, to say the least.

[Pudmuddle]

I know right? Up down Up down Up down, it's like a bad seesaw ride.

My H was doing that at first too, not caring much about S's activities, but has since reinvested in that. Hopefully that will improve for your S's sake.

I found myself really enjoying the times H wasn't there after awhile for the same reasons. Didn't have to try and avoid someone in my own house. Awkward!

Yes, expect him not to come home and then you may be nicely surprised if he does. Do something nice for yourself in your alone time. Take a nice bubblebath! and get all purdied up, just for you! I've done that sometimes just to help my mood perk up.

Hang in there tigergirl.