Hanging on to the roller coaster

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks everyone. I went with your advice but met him anyway. I didn't ask him anything. Didn't talk divorce, finances, access or anything. I just let him talk. He's adamant that the baby isn't his and I've had it confirmed by her that she didn't sleep with him.

I still think he's involved in multiple EA's via text and possible PA's (who knows).

We had a few baby steps. He commented on how nice I looked (I did!). He said that he'd been crying on Sunday questioning if he was making a big mistake, I said I'm sorry you felt like that. He apologised for bringing me down during our marriage, I told him I made my own decisions but I appreciate his apology and he said he can see how happy and calm I am now. I said I've been working really hard on it and I'm liking the improvements I can see. He came back to our house and asked if we could collect the girls from school together, it's been 3 weeks he's asked me to come along. He came back and cooked the kids some dinner and did the dishes and said that this is what he's missed so much. I asked what? And he said real life, and that he wished he'd done more of it when he lived with us.

I'm still concerned about his mental state. He's back on his meds but only 3 days in and was paranoid quite a bit. He was very open about how ill he was but said that he'd been getting better fast. I said I don't want to get better fast because I don't ever want to be back to where I was before. I want to take it slow and make changes for life. He agreed but I don't think he believes it. I think he's searching for a quick fix.

Talking of fixing he's got a text friend that he says he's helping to get through her depression. Says he texts her every day to make sure she's ok.......I can see where this will go......oh well. No expectations!!!

Overall I'm doing well. There were some really hard moments when I had to bite my lip but I got through it relatively unharmed.

I took the opportunity to apologise to him for not realising just how ill he was. I acknowledged that I'm not a doctor nor can I mind read but that I do have guilt that I didn't realise how bad it was for him, and for that I'm sorry.