Hi all. I'm new here.

[MrBond]

"Also, how does me saying she wasn't perfect either, an example of me being defensive? You calling me something that I'm not is an attack."

Then you don't fully understand your situation. When you mention ANYTHING about something that is a fault or deficiency that you see in her, you take the focus away from you. It lessens the importance of your part in the downfall of your M. You may not think it does, but a little comment here and there can build to resentment and sometimes compartmentalization on your part.

Again, not an attack, but you just chose to see it that way. Just an observation. When you disagree with your W, do you see it as "attacks" as well? I think to a certain degree you do. It's like the cell phone issue. You got mad for her use o the cell phone even though it wasn't hurting you in any way. You CHOSE to get upset. It doesn't matter that you diffused it, what matters is that you got angry in the first place.

"It seems you are just picking and choosing things from my posts."

You'll find out that after awhile, everyone's posts are the same. What you need to do is see the parts that stand out that give an indication of an emotion or attitude.

"After i said im not trying to sound defensive, i wrote "I'm just trying my best to tell my story as it was". I'm being as honest as I can to illustrate what exactly went on in my relationship."

That's YOUR POV of what went on in your relationship. Even though your W told you that she agrees with you, etc. to your face, what she might write down here or tell her friends might be totally different. It's important to note that.

"I have aquired lots of tools over the last couple of years. I'm just looking to gather more info here. I'm free to post here if I want regardless if you think I'm being defensive."

Again, this was a defensive comment from you. No one said you couldn't post or criticized you, etc. However you escalated a simple observation I made into a defensive stance.

"I have already gained some insight from other posters."

Which is the beauty of this forum. You get insights that you never realized before.

"Your very first post didnt help at all. Telling me that people here are regular people who are not obligated to post. Telling me to understand that right off the bat. Obviously I'm choosing to view your comment as rude just like you chose to view my comment about no responses as me being impatient. "

You did sound impatient. Again, it's what you wrote that gave that tone. What my comment did, however, was allow you to clarify your point which is how you should be detailing your ongoing sitch.

I will tell you one friendly word of advice. You will get alot of advice that you may not agree with. I encourage you to learn from those posts as well. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't mean that it's wrong or doesn't have merit.