I've been thinking about your post Mach. Good thing T loaned me his clipboard and extra pencil
Question...
At the end of the post you say:
"Baby steps are great...sort of...
When we reach this point, most people say, F baby steps, I want Giant leaps. I want this to end sooner rather than later...."
Then turn around and say:
"The expectations of things being one way or the other way, are the things that ultimately do the LBS in.
Same as always...it didn't break overnight, and it won't fix overnight."
So... Which is it?
Personally, I all for baby steps IF they are genuine. It's the if part that can be tricky to determine.
It is getting to a point where my patience is wearing thin. Absolutely.
But I also feel like - I've made it this far - I've survived being blindsided by the bomb, being subjected to angry spew, lived with a completely bizarre pod person for some time, had to watch my H and ex-friend OW parade around together at work in front of all of our co-workers - just to name a few things - so I think I can dig in for a little bit longer and see this through.
As far as what reconciliation looks like to me-
I can tell you what it doesn't look like. That's a half- hearted, half-a$$ed attempt at saving our M from someone who is half- baked. And I think that's all my H is capable of at this point.
In the future? Who knows. I still have hope.
Non-negotiables: Admittance of affair End of affair Therapy An effort on his part - through consistent actions - that he wants me and our M
What does that last part look like? Not sure yet.
See, I've kinda embraced the whole concept that I'm the prize in this. And if I'm the prize, I think perhaps he needs to do some thinking and figure out how to win me back.
He's been able to figure out how to have an affair with a married co-worker for two years, deplete our savings, live a double life full of lies and deceit. So... I'm thinking if he wants to be married to me, he can figure that out too. Just sayin.
One last thing -
There has been a lot of discussion around here recently concerning trust and forgiveness. I can sum up my stance as this -
Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned. Period.
You can forgive someone who may not "deserve" it or even care. You can forgive someone, and they don't even know it.
It's a choice you make for you. It is something that doesn't change. Once you decide to forgive someone, you move forward past the wrong.
Trust on the other hand... That requires reciprocation, plain and simple. It's something that's fluid, that can change and morph.
I truly believe that I will be able to forgive my H - but that is not the same as trusting him or having a relationship with him. He plays a part in developing those things.
He is either going to face himself and do the work or remain stuck in crisis and not do the work.
I guess as always, TIME will tell
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
