Raine, I want to thank you for your honesty, for owning your stuff, for being willing to look inside and sharing what you see. That takes a great deal of courage.
I think that it is important to understand that each individual must decide with their partners what is acceptable and what isnt, what is expected and what isnt. There is no one size fits all. What I might need in a reconnected relationship might now be what someone else needs.
I do believe that in order to have a new marriage, the LBS must forgive. That is essential. Without that, there really isnt a point to all this.
And I feel that the LBS must trust themselves. They must feel confident in their choices and their ability to make sound decisions.
I think that a healthy relationship should comprise of many things, two of the most important are respect and the shared goal of trust. How that happens is up to the two people involved. What they need and what they are willing to do to get to their shared goal.
I think building trust starts with both people wanting the relationship. It starts out in small things. The ability of the LBS to be willing to work towards trust, and the other person showing consistent actions matching their words. The idea is to begin to trust, then verify that trust. As you work towards it, you should both have a committment to take care of it in whatever way you both decide.
