Turn the Page again

[JustStunned]

Val,

I have written a post to respond several times, each has caused me to reflect further.

Mostly life is really good. I become lonely from time to time and wish I was in a relationship where I could share my intimate thoughts hopes and aspirations with someone special. It will be nice to come home to someone I can converse with. My dog and the new cat are simply not filling those needs.

When I think about it the last few years of my marriage weren’t filling them either. There were bright spots, but the relationship was in trouble and I considered D myself. I guess she gave up trying before I did. It is more complex than that. I do not wish to rehash old news or write a book.

Perhaps I have passed a milestone recently; I realize I am happier now than in the years preceding the bombing run and I do not want to return to that dysfunction. I think that is on the path to letting go. I will know more when we interact at GD’s birthday party in January.

In the mean time I am looking forward to Thanksgiving with the kids. I am bringing a ham. It should be a full house with DIL’s and some of my family in attendance. Christmas is up in the air and I am not stressing over it as in the last few years.

After that I will continue along the course I have charted. I want to heal and be happier more often. I wish to be happier with my life alone before I begin to look for a relationship, if that makes any sense. I have made several new friends this last year and something may develop before then or I’ll begin dating casually and see what develops. I am not pressuring myself to meet a timeline and I have not planned ahead more than a few months with a few somewhat vague objectives well into next year.

I believe detailed planning with check mark objectives, associated with expectations lead to much of the dissatisfaction and drama experienced in my last relationship. This is an axle I will not become wrapped around again.