In none of my posts have I once pointed the finger or blamed W. If you have taken my posts that way, then I have not conveyed how I feel correctly to you. In fact, it has been quite the opposite.
In addition, when I post, I am trying to give as much info and facts as I can. I do this so that anyone who replies to me will have as complete a picture as I can provide. By stating the issues in the M prior to the A, I am not placing blame, I'm simply trying to provide facts.
Also, the therapist W and I saw together and my own psychologist that I see in IC have both said the same thing: The affair is 100% my fault, but the issues in the marriage prior are 50%-50% between both W and myself. Did those issues give me the green light to have the A? Absolutely not. The A was my action only and not attributable to anything W did or did not do.
I never once said I suddenly understood the whys of my actions. I have been in IC for 6 months now, once a week, sometimes twice. It took me a good 3 months to figure out the whys with lots of "homework" done outside of the sessions.
I don't know what assurances W has that I won't cheat again. When she asked me to leave, I moved in with my parents (and remain there) so she would see that I'm not out to get my own "love nest" with the OW. She knows I continue my therapy. She is aware I have gone back to church. I joined here for people to assist who have been through the same situations.
I'm here because I don't know what to do or how to assure her. I'm here because I don't want the M to end and I don't want to lose W.
Same thing with W knowing I will not cheat on her again. I don't know how to assure her of that or what actions to take.
I know I won't cheat again because the OW was a significant part of my past. I know now and have discovered in the last few months that I was caught up in old feelings and looking to recreate a past that, at the time of the A, I felt I wanted based on MY poor view of the marriage. The A was about the memory of past, old feelings at a time when I thought (no blame, it's on me) M would not survive.
So while I'm glad to read your "I have no doubt that your M can be saved"...when it's followed up with "I'm not sure it's worth it", I really don't know what actions to take.
