Our stories follow similar timelines and are in similar spots right now. I'm glad to see you back and am sorry this continues to be a difficult time for you.
Regarding asking God "why?", He never promises we'll ever know why things happen (1Cor.13:12), we just have to have faith that He is good and is working for the good of those who love Him (Rom.8:28).
I know it's easier to go through trials when we know what the outcome will be or what the purpose of all the suffering is for, but try and view it as conditioning yourself to really appreciate and impact the time you DO have with your son, and to endure well with the time you do not. Maybe you still have lessons to learn, or maybe you will be able to keep some other married couple from suffering as you have suffered.
I recently told a group of men (who are mostly all married) that I wanted them to learn from the mistakes that I made so they don't repeat them. That I didn't want anyone to have to go through the pain and turmoil and suffering that I went through, and said "I don't mind being the person you look at and say 'I don't want to be like him,' because the truth of the matter is, you don't want to end up like me...divorced and not living under the same roof as your family." There is a lot you can do with the lessons you've learned!
You said it well: keep fighting the good fight!
Action item: go out of your way to do something nice for someone else today.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
