Two years? That's discouraging Mtnman. I'm 6 months into this single parent ride. The more I do, the more negative reaction I get. I'm afraid that if W wasn't responsible for carrying S12 & S10 to and from school daily, she wouldn't be doing that. W seems to be upset that I can handle things. Not trying to get a reaction, just getting by day-to-day.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
I used to think the same way but no longer. I went through a period where I thought she was upset that I was doing so much that she no longer had a role here. But, that's not it at all, so don't consider that as your wife's problem with you.
W works directly across from my boys school. She can watch them on the playground from her office. Yet, since the school year started I take them every day that I'm not gone out of town for work. Which has been about six days so far.
It's been a long ride. Might as well hang on until it stops.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I had to stop by W.'s place this morning to pick up S9 to go to school. In the last day or so she has put pictures of the boys up all over her place. One is on a table and it's when I coached S6 in baseball. Before now there were no pictures of any family in her place. Too bad she has my ugly mug in there to also. It confirms to me another sign that she is connecting to the boys again. And maybe she is growing up a little bit.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Thought I would check in and journal some. Last Wednesday we attended S9 basketball game. W and I sat together. I did get a shove for teasing. She talked lots about the boys as babies going to the game and then held S9 in bed later and said she missed holding him.
Friday we enjoyed family night at the movies. She and I exchanged glances on those parts where they always interject something the adults understand. Had a nice time.
Saturday she came up early and got ready in the guest bathroom. She took S6 to his game and I took S9. We texted back and forth updating scores. She and S6 made it back for most of the S9 game. I ran the scoreboard so she sat with my parents and my extended family. Afterwards we all went out for lunch. W sat next to my dad. I'm sure he enjoyed visiting with her.
Yesterday W sent me a text early to see what she might be forgetting to do after church. Stated that the meds make her forgetful. I teased her that she should remember to shower. Everyone at church would appreciate that. Went to church together and sat as a family. After church we came home and had lunch. W took S6 for basketball pics and then we met at the church gym to play. The boys and I played basketball while W walked the track.
Last night both boys went down to stay at Ws. She texted 30 mins later to ask me to come get S9. He was missing me. I went and he met me at the door with tears and a hug. Brought him home and he went right to bed.
So, an enjoyable yet busy weekend. Lots of good family time that seemed normal. I'm still being the best I can be. Continuing the journey!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I know you didn't say here the part about how difficult it is to connect well like that, as a family, personally with W during the movie, have her miss and love the boys, and then know you have to sleep alone that night.
It's not fair.
But, you are dong the right thing. It sounds like she is reconnecting and missing all of you. How reaffirming for your dad skills that S9 missed you!
Keep being your great self! And, somehow, I doubt your mug is ugly !!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Good to hear from you Mtnman. Sounds like a good weekend. I can't imagine what it did to your W's mindset that S9 wanted you to come get him. You have really been an awesome dad during this all. You've been a stable force in the storm. Good for you! Young boys need strong men to teach them how to be men.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Thanks everyone for your comments. Early this morning W sends me a text asking to sit down and hammer out a separation/divorce agreement. She is hoping we can do this without getting attorneys involved and save money. I told her we could try, and it would be a good time to discuss finances.
I guess she felt like she was getting too close. It still hurts every time she does this.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Ouch. I know how much it hurts when we hear stuff like this Mtn. Here's the thing: She's bouncing around because she's not really sure what she wants. Considering the fine job you've been doing DB who can blame her?
Discussing the reality of separating finances may be just what she needs to see right now. Might cause her to wonder if ending the M is going to be as great as she's thinking it'll be.
You have been doing such a great job Mtn, stay strong and don't let this bump in the road take you off course. She's been warming up to you for a reason. Stay on track my friend!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
^ Agree^. Mine will make comments about our future together and then make another comment about how I will handle house on my own in the future (eye roll).
Sometimes they need something to focus upon. Something concrete. Sometimes I wonder if they think that since it has gone this far, there is no going back? Or if they think that the next step will bring the happiness or peace they have been searching for?
As LBS's, we all had to find our happiness inside of us and our peace. I understand how fleeting it is when tied to the external rather than the internal. That's what makes me empathetic to not only my H, but a lot of the WAS out there.
