Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

I would really love to here from some of the Vets out there...Snodderly (job) I see you floating around here, and you have such WISE information. True Gritt where did you go? And why do I have 6 pages on this thread, with page 5/6 with nothing on them. Also the number of replies does not match the number listed in the forums.

I had a talk with Boo on Sunday. I told him I was feeling a little used because he is confused about us, needs his space, not sure if he wants to stay in the family, but yet he expects me to run errands for him and do wifely things for him. What brought this up was that he asked me to pay his home depot bill for him. When I confronted him, he go angry, snatched the bill away and said never mind. He then asked me, "why do you do anything in the yard? Why do you yard work if you don't want to help out, or you feel used?" I responded that I love my house, and my yard and plants, and working in the yard makes me happy." He didn't respond to that.

He also continues to talk about "we" and the future. I can't remember what we were talking about (it seems like adrenaline during these talks kills my memory) but he said "we will do that.." I responded, "Will we still be a "we"?" He said he hoped.

He let me talk, I told him that I have changed, I want to continue to change, I want to be a better person and I understand that we all need to continue to grow and expand ourselves and we never should stay the same, but I want to grow with him and be a family. No real response, but I think he heard me.

He has gone to Tampa for work, things seem to have ended on a good note. Although he has anger problems, he is still loving. I asked him if coming back home and being in our bed in our room would help. He said we could try. I don't want to seem like a doormat, but a part of me feels if we stopped this room mate crap, and he felt accepted in his home, with no expectations, just come home to a happy family, it would help.

Over the past few months I was so hung up on him not texting during the day, calling me after work, letting me know when he'd be home, coming home late and not eating dinner and not spending anytime with me. Nagging and complaining about that pushed him away, and look where I am.

If I can TRULY drop my expectations, and only have ONE, that he will be home, I think I will feel better, I will feel like he is trying. He can come lay in bed with me, we can talk if we want, watch TV, I will make dinner and he can eat it at his leisure and not get nagged that his dinner is getting cold. I want to make his home a place he can come to and not feel anxiety, which he still says he does.

I got a phone call from him Monday AM bright an early. He had a talk with his grandmother, and he has changed his mind about Thanksgiving, he is not going to let his family (sister) drama ruin his holiday, and ruin his mother's holiday. MIL is the Thanksgiving queen, she loves it and always hosts it and it is always a great time. He said that she has been there for him, and he wants to be there for her on her holiday that she loves. He also said that his original plan was to spend it with me and Paw at our house (since we had both said to each other that we would not be going to MIL's, and I would be at home with Paw) but now, he thinks we should walk in there with our heads held high, together and be there for MIL.

I was shocked.

Unfortunately I have already accepted my BFF's invite to her family's dinner. I told him this. He didn't sound mad he just seemed whatever about it. I asked him, "How would we be going to the dinner as? Friends? or H & W working on things?" He said the latter. I am not sure if he is just saying that. I told him I'd have to think about it.

I am totally torn. I want to be true to myself. I hit a goal! I said I would not go to MIL's unless he asked me to go as H&W. He did and now I am not sure. There is still so much drama, between our anger towards his sister, we dislike his cousin and baby mama and there two rug rats. Then I feel like he will be putting on a charade for his family, act loving to me around them, but it will all be a big show and nothing will have actually changed, and I will be even more confused. Or it could go great, we could act loving to each other and it will feel right and it will help us move towards togetherness.

But this is MY holiday too. MY day off, MY day to be with people I love and care about. My BFF has been there for me this whole time, despite how bad of a friend I have been to her. If I go to her house I will have NO drama, only fun, love and acceptance of the people around me. And any drama that does happen there (cuz all fam's have it) won't be directly MINE! I will be watching as an outsider, get to leave, and go to my drama free home with Paw!

If I decide to go to my BFF's house, I will still visit my MIL as planned. I love her, I love his Grandmother and I want to see them on the holiday, and I won't have to put on this fake act in front of the entire family. I can't fake it anymore. I love Boo, but I am not sure I am strong enough for this. I am not sure I want to ruin MY holiday. I want all my days to be filled with joy and happiness, especially holidays!

So I am torn. WOULD LOVE SOME ADVICE!!!

I figured I would see how he handled this work week in Tampa. He said he would text me and call me to talk at night. So far none of those have happened, except his good night text last night. I know my expectations should be low, but since he wants something from me (to go to t-day dinner with him) you'd think he would be trying a little harder to convince me he wants to try us again.

I am praying over this very hard this week. 9 days to make a decision. I am not even sure what to tell my BFF.

UGH