Thanks for your support and kind words Karen. Everyone here is great. If only I had done the work 7 years ago. Never too late to start right?
My Initial post was way back at the beginning of October. There have been some major developements and insights into what happened this time around. On October 15, I finally got an email from A and it was scathing to say the least. A really layed into me like my exwife never did but should have. This is what she said that I am pretentious, never followed through on what I said I was going to do, I lied and was deceptive, did not make good choices, was unable to respect other's privacy and am lazy. In finishing she stated that she did not think I could be a real friend to her or anyone else. She said she did not say these things before so as not to hurt me, but I pushed her and here it is. Wow...it did hurt but for all the right reasons. I mean I had this coming as I said before. This was the kick in the ass I needed to get me moving.
I responded to her comments with an apology and told her the truth about things I had lied about. I thought, or rather hoped in a manipulative way (yes I know bad), that she would at least me making an effort and reconsider the friendship thing. Actually I think it made things worse. Anyway...October 25, I sent her and email regarding my Netflix account which she was still using. She finally responded asking me to deactivate her TV, which I did. She also replied that she "was not ready to talk with me" and that "she needed concrete actions from me to show her I am worthy of her friendship, by telling her everything". I did that and have not heard from her since. I am now realizing that I probably never will and it is a hard thing to come to terms with.
I am in therapy again, not for the divorce or break up, but to try to understand what makes me do the stupid things I do. It is working and I am seeing myself for who I really am and I dont like it. The way I treat people who I call my friends especially. I am now trying to reconnect with friends I have neglected for years. I have opened up communication with my exwife in the hopes of seeing my son and also to be on better terms with her. Basically I am trying to make the better choices, not be pretentious and just be a much better person all around. This is going to take some time but I now see what I should have done 7 years ago; crazy as that sounds. Maybe A and I will get back together and start a new relationship (my true desire) or I will meet someone else. In the end I will be that better person I strive to be and that is all that counts.
So I guess the question is whether I should continue limited contact with A or just walk away?
