this morning she got on me about paying a bill while I was folding clothes and I could feel the anger build
I find it hard to believe you were getting that angry over her asking about a bill. Are you sure the anger wasn't over her leaving and the bill was just a trigger for it? The point being, you have got to deal with your emotions without letting them blow up into angry confrontations with your W.
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I asked for here to unlock her phone so I can look she sails to snoop.
You don't do this with a WAS unless and until they express that they're ready to work on the M. Give her time and space. Remove all pressure from her. Deal with your emotions on your own, around her just project PMA and act "as if" everything is great.
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Told her once she leaves she's not coming back and then I called her a lier.
Stop the fighting and name-calling, it just reminds her why she left. Show her someone she wants to come back to instead.
