Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[labug]

Anyhow, I am still worried that since one of my marital defects was emotional disconnection, detaching and pulling away (even lovingly) might be misconstrued. I have considered telling her something like the following, during some well-timed moment of connection:

"W, I respect that you feel done, and that you are unhappy. I am focused on working on things I want to improve in my life, and on giving you time and space to live your life right now without pressure. One of the things you have shared with me is the emotional disconnect and that we didn't do a good job of truly connecting. I understand how you feel that way, and have been reflecting on it myself. Because I don't want you to feel controlled or pressured or manipulated, I feel that giving you space is important. But I want you to know that if and when you are willing, I am willing to spend time with you - having fun, talking about life, getting to know each other again."

I get it but a definite thumbs down and most of the reason why is here: This would make me feeling better about GALing and lovingly detaching and 180ing since she will not miscontrue any of that as more of the same. It also seems like it would empower her.

It's all about you. Yes there's a bit in there about her but you can't empower another person, to attempt yo do so is a bit controlling.

I know that this is a tough concept for most of us but as Mach often says, you can't talk your way out of something you acted your way into. Actions, actions, actions. Work on you everyday until all those changes don't even feel like changes, she'll notice. You can't predict now they will affect her but she will notice.

She wants detachment from you right now, so in detaching you're respecting her and her needs but that doesn't mean you treat her like a leper. Have you read the livestrong emotional detachment list? If not, google it. W should have emotional detachment from those we love no matter the state of our R.