Hi all. I'm new here.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Hi there 2TH,
This evidently is my first post also, so not sure if it'll show up. I think I can finally contribute to something on here (been reading and studying since August)
My H is always on his phone and yes it is also a trigger for me as I found out he was having an affair and yes of course all on his phone as OW was a 3 hour flight away. So it was hyped up on fb messaging and texting.
I feel like I may possibly be down the road a little and be able to offer some insight….
What I did - When I seen H on phone - I walked the opposite direction and pretended it didn't bother me. (this actually can become a game, I let him see my disinterest sometimes) I found a few spots in my house (like the toilet) and said to myself 'I am only in control of my own actions, one day they will realise what they are doing (how rude they are) and then they will need to address their own emotions tied to that. I choose to be a respectful and admirable person and I will show this in my actions not my words' believe it or not after a while you start believing yourself and get a little kick out of it.
Lets be honest people don't respond by you telling them what to do, they see others behaving a certain way and treating them in a certain way and they mirror this behaviour. I can now tell you with experience that although this phone business has not stopped he now only plays games on there in open viewing and actually involves me in the things he sees on fb. When we talk he actually puts the phone down and looks at me when we speak. I'm still getting used to it.

Other things I do. I detach myself from my phone while he is around on purpose (the action thing). But I also post more on fb while he is gone as I know he is on there. I use this little vice to help show that I have got a life. A little cheeky sometimes but he has mentioned about everything I have posted so it actually makes me feel like the interest in me is still there. (I found out how to get a little back out of this situation :-) when he says something I downsize like 'oh yeah I forgot I posted that' like its not the only thing happening in my life.

I felt like I started to play his game back a little which I did not do before but still showed respect in my actions. I have even gone as far as telling him I will always show respect to him whether he deserves it or not as it is a choice I make as a person to have these qualities. Hope this offers something. Good luck!

[working out still how to do a signature but it will go something like this]
Me 31 H 31
D 6
S 4
S 8mth
OW bomb dropped july sometime

Never allow kindness be misinterpreted for weakness.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Thanks for the reply and advice. I know intellectually what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt to stay on track.

I don't know your story but I hope things are on the up and up!!