Me 13 months on, affair finally confirmed.

[hotwheelsaust]

While I am still trying to continue on my journey, I am also still struggling with the news that it ia a PA.

How do I accept my W of 23 years, who has shown no sign of even being interested in women, now being a lesbian?
On top of having an affair, an affair with another woman is just too much too handle sometimes.
I am not thinking anything about my masculinity or lack of performance issues, but simply such a big change in my W.
How do I deal with the W being in this relationship for over a year now. Based on the history even before BD, if she wasn't in a PA back then, it would have been quite a serious EA.
How do I even deal with other people telling me way back then their view she was in a PA? Even though I haven't spoken to anyone about the new knowledge.
Even my flatmate told me way back in December when he moved in "get over your W, she in in a relationship with the other woman".
Should I have taken a better stand? Should I have done something differently?
This is where it is like the BD all over again. All those question we ask as a newbie to the forum, are now being repeated again, because I didn't have the guarantee she was in a PA.
My head is simply spinning with all these questions. I know I cannot answer them. I know to think about other things. I know so much more, but it doesn't help.
I cannot stop thinking about all those lies to everyone. I can't stop thinking about what her and the other woman act like in their own house.

I haven't had a good cry for ages, and here I am breaking down at work again.

All my old worries are coming back to haunt me again.

I am doing the fake it till I make it. It just is so much harder now.