Hi all. I'm new here.

[2ndTimeHurt]

"Can somebody tell me not to ask about her damn phone. Yell at me even. Tell me it's the stupidest thing I can do. No good comes out of it."

You posted this on one of your first posts...

"I had anger issues which I've worked really hard on changing. Through counseling and many self help books and podcasts, I've successfully changed that behavior."

That is your problem right there. You continue to say that you've cahnged, etc. but you really haven't. Many of the things that you've just posted contradict what you said were "fixed" in your first post. It takes more than a year for changes to take place for life.

Maybe I'm wrong here or maybe I'm not, when I say change I don't mean fixed to the point of perfection. I'm only human and will make mistakes. What I mean by change is that I no longer go into rage mode. My counselor says I'm allowed to get angry, even voice my anger. It's how I deal with it that has changed.

I don't quite understand how you correlated my comment of her phone to my past anger issues. Maybe you could clarify that for me. I didnt go into a rage and accuse her of having inappropriate texts. I simply said "woah, you're texting a lot". I even said it with a tone of humor and playfulness. Which still came across as a judgement to her, but that's for her to decide how she views my comment.

I've also been in counseling for 2 years so I'm well aware changes take a long time to stick. Finding faults within yourself is a lifelong process and I'm well on my way down the right path. Do I still have issues? Sure, we all do. Am I aware of them? Sure most of them. Am I trying to "fix" them? Yes I am, but I do have greater difficulties with some of them.

My rage mode is the least of my concerns and my W agrees completely that I've changed in that regard. I diffuse rather than escalate arguments. Between the 2 of us, she is now the aggressor. And she's aware of that too. She will invalidate my thoughts, yell and scream and call me names, but I don't view it as abuse like she did. Our sensitivity levels regarding abuse are just different.

The person I am now is completely different from who I was. So ya, I've changed. I haven't changed everything so I can kind of agree with you there. But you can't say that I haven't really changed. Wait, I guess YOU can. YOU are free to judge and decide what I have and haven't accomplished. It's your right to do so. I, on the other hand won't take it personally.

I know I may come across as whatever it is you see me as during a moment of weakness, but I know that I have improved myself.