The Big Hill

[Feenix]

One other thing about this "hill"...I got to do a Spartan Beast race last December...and total strangers are helping each other out the whole 13+ miles. It's is so awesome. Really great event.

But, the part that really stands out, is at the end, you are so tired and weary and you have to climb up this very steep, very muddy, very slick wall.

So that everyone can make it to the finish line, when someone makes it to the top, they stop, turn around and help pull up the person behind them....then, that person gets to the top, and they turn around and help the next person....and so it goes.

Person after person getting to the top and then helping those behind them get to the top.

AND, the people at the bottom, waiting to climb the wall....well, they are pushing up on the person in front of them, helping get them to the top.

So, whether you're at the top of the wall or at the bottom...everyone is helping and encouraging everyone else.

That is exactly what it is like HERE! And I LOVE it!

[LoisB]

Angela, that's so cool. I really needed that today.

Pud, I'm sorry about your dad. You may feel worn out for this reason, ya know? It's been heavy in your life and now this day comes along and there's more grief.

I hope you do something comforting for yourself today.

You need a big warm fuzzy blankie with a movie like Love Actually. A glass of wine? A bubble bath?

I'm sure your dad is watching over you, giving you a push up the hill when you need it most.

Love to you,

Heather

[Pudmuddle]

You all are so amazing it's gonna make me cry. Shizzle, how many tears can one person have??? LOL.

Thanks 3! You're right, what is normal anyhoo?

Thanks Ang, so good to 'hear' your voice! I've been wondering how you have been doing. It seems like you and I are both in the same place, so is 3, so is Heather, so is JF...Sheeesh. Glad I could make you laugh. Even as tough as this is I still have my sense of humor. When that goes then...watch out, I really will be a puddle. I really like your Spartan Beast comparison, isn't that so representative of what we are going through? Only they have an end in sight, lol.

Heather, thanks again for being there last night and also the sweet, sweet thoughts about my dad. I know he is always in my heart.

You guys and gals are awesome.

[Feenix]

"I know that you can, then you will...get to the top of the hill."

"Today is Your Day" written by Shania Twain after her husband cheated on her... GOOD song... Google or YouTube it!

[Pudmuddle]

I'm going to do that now! Love me some good lyrics!

[Pudmuddle]

OMG...Ang. That song gave me shivers!! Her voice is so hauntingly beautiful. That is going to be my new fave song to listen to over and over and over, like I do, lol.

JF, I listened to Miley's song too, beautiful and inspirational too. It even made me tear up because I started thinking about my dad. Sigh.

Thanks you guys, good hill-climbing songs!

[JFun51]

Pud,

I lost my Dad in 2007 to cancer 1 day short of his 58th birthday. That anniversary and his birthday are coming up in about 2 weeks. It's a heavy time. Dad and I never really fixed our relationship after he and mom had big D in my 21st birthday. I regret that to this day. In my current journey, I think this is one of the doors I'm going to need to close for myself. I believe their strange D and his death without really any closure on either one have left a hole in me. I want to be the best father I can be partly because I failed as a son in many ways. My dad wasn't perfect, but most of his life he put aside everything for me. I have to find a way to shut the door on that regret and hurt so that I can heal. Our journey is as important as our poor MLCer's journey.

In short, I feel your pain.

(((((Pud))))) Hugs to you.

[Pudmuddle]

Wow JF, thank you for sharing that. That is going to be hard for you, but I have faith in what I've seen here that you can conquer that too. I don't believe you failed as a son, I believe you did the best you could at the time with the tools you were given. The same with your father. I'm sure he loved you very much and he knew that deep in his heart, no matter what passed between you.

My dad's cancer(melanoma) was so quick, he was driving and hiking only a month before he died. He was an amazing man.

Thanks for your hugs and support on this trying day.

[Pudmuddle]

Ok, I just freaked up. Not majorly but still not gracious.

I'm still at work so I sent H a text that S texted me that his tech theater class would go til 7. So I let H know that I would pick him up at 7. I also texted how was your day?

H said 'Ok, S texted me earlier but didn't say what time. same ol same ol. how about you?'

I texted back 'well it's my dad's bday, so it's been hard.'

He sends back 'I bet. Did you talk to your mom today?'

Seriously?? I bet? Seriously, I had expectations on this one and this was not what I wanted to hear. Since he's been in mlc he has always pushed off the emotional responsibility on to someone else, FOR me. Usually he has my S do something to make me feel better. Heaven forbid should it be him. I wanted to see if there was any empathy or compassion in him. NOPE, guess not. Got my answer. I texted back 'nm'.

I'm not mad just, just a little annoyed that I had expectations here. Pfffft.

BOOOOOO! I need to get my foot out of the mudbog on this hill!

[JFun51]

So sorry Pud. Expectations can get us all in trouble. I'm struggling today because I feel myself falling into comfort over the last couple days.

Don't let his actions or lack of actions dictate anything to you. You are strong enough to stand on your own. Believe that!