Raine, He is slowly waking up and if you continue to be patient a while longer, I do believe you will have it all. He's still quite fragile and is trying to ensure that you know what he's doing and wants to please you if he can. He's still very new to his new skin and that's going to take some time getting use to. Both of you have had a long journey of pain and hurt and now you both are trying to learn a new dance, i.e., a new dance of reconciliation. I really do think he's trying the best he can right now.
I know you want to get to the finish line, but it's not going to be any time soon. I'm thinking it might be as late as June before he's truly settled down. You will get the opportunity to have some serious discussions w/him in the new year. I think he'll be ready to hear what you have to say by then and will be willing to open up more to you. For now, you need to have faith in yourself, your h and in the new relationship that you both are forging ahead with, as well as faith in the man upstairs.
I, personally, think you've doing a great job of dealing w/the hand that you were dealt, as well as being able to come here and talk to us about your journey. All I'm asking is that you dig a little bit deeper for more patience. Raine, everything will fall into place and a new marriage will be built...but it takes some time. Patience and more patience are required at this crucial stage of the journey.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
