didn't say i don't have patience...i said it is not my strong suit, but i'm working on it. I don't think it's my ego talking at all. The relationship means enough to me to do whatever I can to save the marriage. If that means wait and do nothing, then I will wait. If it means to do something that I'm not seeing, something that someone such as yoruself points out, then I will do that.
my post was meant to convey that i didn't know how much the relationship meant to her in the past couple of years because of what we'd been through with her daughter and her parents. I had a lot of anger and bitterness which consumed me and, as i stated before, I was very selfish.
Prior to the last couple of years, there were issues between us which we both had discussed. The lack of communication and the lack of intimacy. We had discussed going to counseling way back then, but we didn't. However, even with those issues, I knew back then how much the relationship meant to her and how much it meant to me. But neither one of us knew what steps to take to "fix" it, so we both buried our heads in the sand. Once everything happened with her daughter and her parents, we both placed our relationship on the back burner. That's not blaming...that's fact. W would attest to that too.
The affair is 100% my fault. I have taken responsibility; not sure how, in your view, I haven't. I have never once pointed to anything about W to say "this is why I had the A"...and I wont't. The A is on me and always will be. At no time have I ever blamed W for me having the A.
I have re-read my post several times, I fail to see where I have pointed any blame at her. I also fail to see how I'm still being selfish. I'm here and I'm trying to save my marriage. I may not have all the "correct" answers and I may be failing at saying/doing certain things, but I'm trying to learn.
The relationship means the world to me. I don't want to lose W.
It makes me feel very sad that step-d feels this way. We had a wonderful relationship and W told me that once she told step-d about the A, that step-d would never forgive me and that relationship would end for good. That appears to be exactly what has happened. And yes, I'm well aware this is a consequence of my actions.
