Coda87, I think you misunderstand "180" as you keep referring to it as "the 180" and seem to think it means not focusing on W.

"180" in the book means looking at the things you did in your marriage that drove your spouse crazy and changing them. i.e. if you always left your clothes on the floor and it drove your W crazy, start putting them in the hamper all the time. It's taking their marital complaints and turning them upside down.

The nuance is that you want to make changes that are important to you, not just things you can do "to get your spouse back". If you just do it to get them back, it will be transparent, and they will distrust that the change is real. They'll think as soon as they come back you'll revert to how things were. That's why it's important to commit to your 180 and "live it" even when no one is watching. That's what it comes down to.

Not focusing on her and stopping your resistance is "Act as If"

Acc

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015