I've looked at life from both sides now

[TSquared2]

so you have to have faith that the core of that person is good-and not hurting you with the intention of hurting you???

Faith in yourself to know/detect the difference, imo.

I'm not putting any faith in W for a long time, until proven otherwise. But I do have faith in myself to detect/discern/feel the truth of things, and/or, be able to handle it in case I was/am wrong.

I know her core is good, but with all the crap that's covering it up through this? Will she ever be able to clear it up and let that core shine back fully? And if she does, will she want to share the shine with me? Idk.

[Mach1]

so you have to have faith that the core of that person is good-and not hurting you with the intention of hurting you???

Faith in yourself to know/detect the difference, imo.

I'm not putting any faith in W for a long time, until proven otherwise. But I do have faith in myself to detect/discern/feel the truth of things, and/or, be able to handle it in case I was/am wrong.

I know her core is good, but with all the crap that's covering it up through this? Will she ever be able to clear it up and let that core shine back fully? And if she does, will she want to share the shine with me? Idk.

True...

BUT

You also didn't ask her for her log-in info on your first date to Chuck-E-Cheese either...

Did you ???

That would have been awkward..with that stupid Mouse watching and all...


So where is that fine line ???



And I can tell you this....

You WILL deal with this regardless if you are reconciling, or if you are with a new person....

(BTW, even with your current spouse, you will, or should be, building a NEW relationship)

Should trust have walls built around it ??

Do we give trust blindly, or better yet...should we?

I know MY answers, I am just curious of what else is out there...

: )

[LoisB]

You also didn't ask her for her log-in info on your first date to Chuck-E-Cheese either...

No, but that's because I didn't have 30 years of actions staring me in the face. Now, I have the actions to back up the character of the person.

So where is that fine line ???

God if I know. Based upon the last 30 years, I'd have to be one big dummy to EVER trust my guy again.

And I can tell you this....

You WILL deal with this regardless if you are reconciling, or if you are with a new person....

(BTW, even with your current spouse, you will, or should be, building a NEW relationship)

I completely get this. The old marriage died a very unsavory death. Poor thing. It was battered and punched and tarred and feathered naked on public square. (I did some of the tarring and feathering)

No matter what happens, we need a new relationship.

Should trust have walls built around it ??

Do we give trust blindly, or better yet...should we?

He!!s to the NO.

[LoisB]

That's a NO to trusting blindly and a YES to building walls.

Jus so we're clear.

[LoisB]

Big cement walls with steel beams and layers of titanium on each side. Then a few rows of prickly bushes on the outside--the kind that jab the intruder with poison thorns.

[LoisB]

And, a moat... with gators.

[LoisB]

Hungry gators.

[Mach1]

Big cement walls with steel beams and layers of titanium on each side. Then a few rows of prickly bushes on the outside--the kind that jab the intruder with poison thorns.

Is that where 'forgiveness' lives ???




Jus so we are clear and all...




So let's say that you have a Dog...

A really good Dog, that has been with you for years of loyalty. He has saved your skin more than once, and given you years of love, companionship, and memories, through good times and bad...

Then one day he turns and bites you on the leg....

Does that ONE incident make him a bad Dog, and skew all of the good memories that you had ???

Or does that make him a dammed good Dog, with that one exception...

???

[LoisB]

I'd love him just as much. The love wouldn't change, but I'd be cautious from then on.

Most of us weren't bitten once. We've been bitten several times over the years.

But, that being said, I would probably understand better why the old dog bit me because I would know the dog so well. So, I could see what happened more clearly than a stranger.

Getting a new dog would mean taking a chance with an entirely new animal.

[TSquared2]

Here's my take, atm...

Faith: reserved for God/Universe/whatever, and myself.

Trust Levels:

--blind--I don't know if this is wise or possible again, not sure.

--full--earned by them, given by us (and also to us by ourselves).

--benefit of the doubt--given by us (and to us ourselves), while they/until they earn.

Thing is, forgiveness, and figuring out the EGO/PRIDE thing, are pre-requisites to the above stack. Imo.