Thanks for listing the things you are grateful for Pud. Thanks for the reminder! Being grateful for the good things in our lives is the only way to live in my opinion. Sometimes I look at my sitch and cry (okay, often I look at my sitch and cry ) about the pain, the betrayal, the lying. But.... we are all really so lucky. Even in MLC. Things could always be worse. I remember a poster last summer whose H's OW sent some thugs over to beat her up. I simply cannot imagine that.
I am truly blessed, and am grateful for: --My sons and grand kids --That my H is still living in our home with me --Running water and indoor plumbing in general --Heat in winter and air conditioning in summer --Vision, even if it's a bit blurry
So, the big hill is looming ahead of us. The way to tackle it is by taking one baby step at a time! I agree with Heather, let's climb up and parasail down the other side! I want a rainbow colored one!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Hi Linda, that was a nice reminder that things COULD be so much worse than what we are dealing with. Yikes for that poor woman with the thugs, wow... I keep having a feeling that the people my H chooses will be like that. Ick that is so nasty to put your family in that kind of jeopardy.
I decided to post the little things I'm grateful for once in a while to help pull myself out of a down time. It does change the color of the glasses once in a while. -----------------------------------------------
On another note, I met with my db coach. It was good. She thought that I was seeing good, but small progress from my H. And she thought the things I was doing were working. She did notice that I was weary of the limbo, the status quo, but sensed that I did not want to give up just yet. She was right. I just wished I knew where my H was at, like a temp check.
We came up with some goals for me:
Ask him to go on errands together instead of separate Add more physical touch, be more appreciative, empathetic Keep things light when together Touch quickly when laughing together Add more 1-on-1 time, hobbies, errands keep the co-parenting up, supporting him when dealing with S
I told her these seem like things I could do, but the emotional connection has been gone for so long that it feels awkward at times. Then I have to be comfortable with the rejection if there is any and move on from that. Anticipate how he might not want to do these things and what his response might be so that I can be more prepared for the rejection.
The thing is I couldn't even think about how to emotionally connect to him...this kind of scared me. It feels like it has been this way for too long. So I think I need to approach this with a fresh perspective, as if he were someone I would want to date and be involved with, and not be a chickenshiz.
I feel so worn out today. Maybe I just need to shut my brain down for awhile. There is more but my brain feels like a fried egg all scrambled. I can't even write out my thoughts really well today. Just need time to process.
Plus it's my dad's bday and I am a little sad that he is not here to share it with. I may just hang out somewhere and not go immediately home so that I can just remember my dad today. My H wasn't there for me during his death so I am not sure he would even react to my sadness over this today. I don't want his pity. He knows he wasn't there and even halfheartedly tried to apologize for it once, but it wasn't sincere or heartfelt. Just like a little boy saying sorry for breaking your toys.
I am thankful that my dog looks at me with total love. I am thankful that it is a nice sunny day here in colorado. I am thankful that my mom has met someone who cares about her. I am thankful for the friends I have met on this board.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Thinking of you Pud. Sometimes we all just feel worn out. I can assure you no one around here is gonna let you not climb this hill. We are either gonna push you from behind or pull you up ourselves.
The Hill isn't what defines us anyway. It's The Climb!
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
You seem to be in my head at times thinking the same things, I suppose it's something we all have in common.
I just read the lyrics to 4 Non Blondes song "What's going On?'
Seems appropo for my new thread title...
25 years and my life is still Trying to get up that great big hill of hope For a destination I realized quickly when I knew I should That the whole world's MADE UP OF this brotherhood of man FOR whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out, what's in my head And I, I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning and I step outside And I take A deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs, What's goin' on
And I try, oh my God, do I try I try all the time in this institution And I pray, oh my God, do I pray I pray every single day FOR A REVOLUTION!
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out, what's in my head And I, I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning and I step outside And I take deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs, WHAT'S GOIN' ON!!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I can almost see it. That dream I'm dreaming, but There's a voice inside my head saying You'll never reach it Every step I'm takin' Every move I make Feels lost with no direction, My faith is shakin' But I, I gotta keep tryin' Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down, but No I'm not breaking I may not know it, but These are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep goin', And I, I gotta be strong Just keep pushing on, 'cause
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb
Yeah
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Somebody's gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb
Yeah, yeah yeah
Keep on movin' Keep climbin' Keep the faith baby It's all about, it's all about the climb Keep the faith, keep your faith,
I've been all about the music lately. There's inspiration out there everywhere. Even in Miley's world.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Pud - I am right there with you. My brain feels like a fried egg. I don't even remember what it feels like to be "normal" But we WILL get there. I am so glad to have found this site and to know that people are here to support one another!
I was just catching up on your past few days. Wish I'd been on the boards the other day when you were feeling low. I was having that kind of a weekend....just wondering if this is all worth it, etc.
I LOVE the analogy that everyone is giving you about us pushing or pulling you up that hill! Awesome visual...because that is what we are all here for. To push and pull and encourage....some days I'll pull/push harder...and some days you will...and some days someone else will...but we're all here for each other. It's so amazing!
I love Miley's "The Climb"....I love to listen to that song when I'm feeling down....helps me a lot.
I laughed so hard when I read this on your last thread:
I have a session with my db coach tomorrow, sorely needed. Big sigh. Big Cry. Big flipping off H as he leaves tonight. Big glass of wine, by myself.
That was SO me this past weekend!!! When H left for work on Friday night, I'd just bought myself some wine...and he was kinda being an a$$....so I poured myself a HUGE glass....and totally flipped him off while I sat alone drinking it!!!! LOL. Not funny....and yet, so funny! Makes me feel better, too, to know that I am NOT the only LBS doing that! Hahahaha!
Honestly, being a BIG B when I'm alone helps me not be one when H is around.
) about the pain, the betrayal, the lying. But.... we are all really so lucky. Even in MLC. Things could always be worse. I remember a poster last summer whose H's OW sent some thugs over to beat her up. I simply cannot imagine that.