Wife says she wants to leave

[Accuray]

She's manipulating you, don't misread it. When she moved out she got the space she wanted, which was a relief and made things easier on her on one hand, but on the other hand it's stepping off a cliff and feels scary. If she can ensure you stay on the shelf as her insurance policy, then the first step out of the house is less scary because she feels she can return at any time and you will welcome her with open arms.

It's easier for her to be nice to you now, because she can leave at any time without expectations for the niceness to continue, and she can do what she wants when you're not there, without feeling like you're looking over her shoulder.

If you want to leave the door open to reconcile, it's important to continue to be pleasant, but also to pull back and become less available, particularly emotionally. I would think twice about accepting dinner invitations. You need to mind-shift that having her return to the marriage will not be victory for you, and it shouldn't be a foregone conclusion that she can do so if that's what she chooses.

You were the resolute partner, you didn't violate your vows, you are the prize to be won. If she wants you back down the line, she's going to have to earn it. You need to communicate that by establishing your value and not being available to someone who is abusing your trust.

Acc